Fun on the Web vol 4 Issue 42

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 4 Issue 42 October 24, 2005


With more hurricanes there is more need, but lets not
forget the Katrina programs: kids can write a note or
draw a picture for encouragement. I think it's important
for kids to learn that there are children who have had a
great loss and many needs to be met. Charity, community,
and compassion can never be learned too early.

For the blanket project, all you have to do is knit or
crochet, 7" by 9" rectangles to form blankets to be
distributed to children displaced by the hurricane,
thereby losing their sense of security. Rectangles
made by different people will be pieced together by
volunteers to make a whole blanket. Each rectangle
will be a symbol of the different people who have
worked together to help these children heal from the
trauma of losing everything they have ever known.
For more info :
http://www.knitforkatrina.com/ or email to
http://mail.charter.net/agent/MobNewMsg?to=info@knitforkatrina.com


Straight from Andrea comes this warning about the
National Driver's License Database. I'm shocked that
this info is a matter of public record. Check this out . . .
http://www.license.shorturl.com/



If you haven't gotten to the pumpkin patch yet try these:
http://www.milwaukeemoms.com/pumpkins/ Milw area
http://www.pumpkinpatchesandmore.org/
http://www.comportone.com/cpo/events/seasonal/falltime/pumpkinswisconsin.htm
http://www.urbanext.uiuc.edu/pumpkins/pumpkinfarms.cfm?state=WI
http://www.thegreatpumpkinpatch.biz/index.html
(the one on Martha^)
http://www.greatpumpkinpatch.com/ looks like fun
http://www.pumpkin-patch.com/ CA
(great resources/links section)

Pumpkin carving links
http://www.pumpkin-carving.com/
http://www.thepumpkinfarm.com/carvemenu.html
http://www.carvingpumpkins.com/ 200 patterns
http://www.caslt.org/research/halloween2.htm
http://www.extremepumpkins.com/


Baking with fresh pumpkin came from Erin
http://allrecipes.com/advice/coll/fall/articles/148P1.asp?ARBMID=187&ARFMTID=1

All about pumpkin pie was from Erin's same newsletter
http://allrecipes.com/advice/coll/fall/articles/220P1.asp?ARBMID=187&ARFMTID=1

From eerie effects to edible makeup what a great source
http://search.allrecipes.com/advice/quick.asp?q1=Halloween&lnkid=65&image1.x=7&image1.y=12

Cute ideas and recipes for Halloween cutout cookies
http://www.californiafruitstand.com/halloweensite_recipe.html

More new recipes posted to my other blog here:
http://bluesbabys-rants.blogspot.com/

Pumpkin recipes
http://www.pumpkin-patch.com/recipes.html

Just put Halloween in the search
http://www.pillsburybaking.com/

Who knew AOL had content much less Halloween food?
http://food.aol.com/food/channel/

And if you looked at Martha last week for Halloween ideas
did you check kids? Creepcakes as seen on her show are
a riot to make with the kids or just for them:
http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=learn-cat&id=cat240&rsc=msonav

Easy Halloween recipes no pics
http://www.spookmaster.com/pumpkin-carving-patterns-recipes.htm

Weird and creepy interactive site.
http://www.99rooms.com/

Just for Wisconsin
http://www.hauntedwisconsin.com/

For all states
http://www.hauntedhouse.com/
http://www.spookysites.com/

LOL pumpkin boats
http://us.video.aol.com/video.index.adp?mode=2&guideContext=65.71&pmmsid=1416849

Grow your own giant pumpkin
http://www.backyardgardener.com/wcgp/

Giant pumpkin pics
http://www.cwpg.org/Photo_Gallery.html


At this busy time of year a new sandwich could be just
the thing you need. Many (over 2000) here:
http://iliveonyourvisits.com/sp/index.php

For the foodies, recipes, how to's and restaurants.
Also books, TV, magazines, reviews, and lists on food.
http://www.slashfood.com/


I met the author of the game Liebrary. No I didn't meet
Daryl Hannah, it was Hilary Shepard and when she told
me about it she said this is who produced her game.
What a cool idea and the whole party plan thing works
for many other products so why not new games?
http://simplyfun.com/


Speaking of literary I find myself in the group that
thought penultimate means best of the best. Guess
what? NOT! It means next to last. See your favorite
dictionary or:
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/penultimate
http://www.m-w.com/
I guess you learn something new every day.


Something new on eBay
http://reviews.ebay.com/


Ever wonder where you can get the cool gadget from
your favorite movie?
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/13.10/posts.html?pg=3

More gadgets for everyone
http://www.gizmodo.com/
http://www.engadget.com/

More gadgets in the luxury goods blog
http://www.luxist.com/

If you need a great travel blog who but Frommers to
come up with a list of the best (with links to each):
http://www.frommers.com/tips/miscellaneous/article.cfm?tipID=MISCELLTAT&articleID=3164&t=Editor%27s%20Choice%3A%20Our%20Favorite%20Travel%20Blogs


Rachael Ray does not leave anyone apathetic, either you
love her or you hate her. Her affectations leave most of
us cold but you must admit the premiss of making your
dinner in 30 minutes is a good one. Scroll down for links:
http://www.foodtv.com/food/show_tm/0,1976,FOOD_9997,00.html

But if you can't get over it you may love
http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=rachael_ray_sux&mode=full


More cool games online:
http://games.myway.com/?ptnrS=ZSxdm126&ptb=jgGUtKxGCh1lHVKBqe6eZA

Another way to spend a rainy fall day is on the Easter
Egg Archive (even books and art are covered)
http://www.eeggs.com/
More? http://www.eggheaven2000.com/


How to write a resume resources
http://www.how-to-write-a-resume.org/


Special events in History On This Day
http://www.nytimes.com/learning/general/onthisday/archive.html


Ever wondered where the Nigeria scam email comes from?
http://www.latimes.com/technology/la-fg-scammers20oct20,0,301315.story?coll=la-tot-promo


On to the chuckles:
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"There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is
open season on senators." ~~ Will Rogers

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"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you
can find a rock." ~~ Will Rogers

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"You know everybody is ignorant, only on different
subjects." ~~ Will Rogers

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You see things; and you say, "Why?" But I dream things
that never were; and I say "Why not?"
~~ George Bernard Shaw

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Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

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The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's
unfamiliar territory.

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Random tidbits

Houdini's real name was Ehrich Weiss. Houdini almost
always escaped handcuffs placed on him by audience
members, but he failed to get out of a pair in Evanston,
Illinois, in 1899. A policeman who brought the cuffs on
stage had damaged the lock so that it would not open.

Houdini died on Halloween, 1926 from peritonitis caused
by a ruptured appendix.

Triskaidekaphobia is the fear of the number 13.

Winston Churchill, the former British prime minister,
never traveled on a Friday the 13th unless it was
absolutely essential.

Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a Friday
the 13th. People who were born on a Friday the 13th
include; Steve Buscemi, Zoe Wanamaker, Howard Keel
and Christopher Plummer.


Crayons
On average, children between the ages of two and seven
color 28 minutes every day.

The average child in the United States will wear down
730 crayons by his or her tenth birthday.

The scent of Crayola crayons is among the twenty most
recognizable to American adults

Washington Irving used the pseudonym Geoffrey Crayon
when he published The Sketch-Book, a collection of short
stories and essays, including "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow"
and "Rip Van Winkle."

Alice Binney, wife of company co-owner Edwin Binney,
coined the word Crayola by joining craie, from the French
word meaning chalk, with ola, from oleaginous, meaning oily.

In 1903, the Binney & Smith company made the first box of
Crayola crayons costing a nickel and containing eight colors:
red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet, brown, and black.

The average adult has 100 billion brain cells. We lose
85,000 of these every day!

The average human body contains enough: iron to make
a 3 inch nail, sulfur to kill all fleas on an average dog,
carbon to make 900 pencils, potassium to fire a toy
cannon, fat to make 7 bars of soap, phosphorous to make
2,200 match heads, and water to fill a ten-gallon tank.

The first mass-produced toothbrush was made by William
Addis of Clerkenwald, England, around 1780.

The first American to patent a toothbrush was H. N.
Wadsworth in the 1850's.

Mass production of toothbrushes began in America around
1885.

The natural bristles of early toothbrushes were taken from
the necks and shoulders of swine, especially pigs living in
colder climates like Siberia and China.

Early forms of the toothbrush have been in existence since
3000 BC. Ancient civilizations used a "chew stick," which
was a thin twig with a frayed end. These 'chew sticks'
were rubbed against the teeth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side,
and it holds the world together."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He who laughs last didn't get it.

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Pain is temporary, pride is forever. ~~ Anonymous

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The person who says it cannot be done should not
interrupt the person doing it. ~~ Chinese proverb

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Today California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
gave a speech on the dangers of global warming. His
exact words were, 'Fire...hot...bad!'" ~~ Conan O'Brien

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Multiple Meanings

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings
than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or
at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning,
why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for
election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP
a report?

We call UP our friends.

And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver,
we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an
appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP
because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP
at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look
the word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of
the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of
the many ways UP is used.

It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give
UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my
time is UP, so..........Time to shut UP!

Oh...one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the
morning and the last thing you do at night? U-P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Mike for these political quotes:


So while you ponder the path your life will be taking
between now and the next election, consider this:
"The whole dream of democracy is to raise the
proletarian to the level of stupidity attained by the
bourgeois."Gustave Flaubert (1821 - 1880)

"Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be
governed no better than we deserve."George Bernard
Shaw - Irish dramatist & socialist (1856 - 1950)

"Giving money and power to government is like giving
whiskey and car keys to teenage boys."P.J. O'Rourke

Heres a bunch of political quotes that have been compiled
for your edification and amusement....WHERE HAVE WE
HEARD THIS BEFORE?

"The national budget must be balanced. The public debt
must be reduced; the arrogance of the authorities must
be moderated and controlled. Payments to foreign
governments must be reduced, if the nation doesn't want
to go bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead
of living on public assistance."Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC), 55

BCTAXES & BRIBES "The art of government consists
in taking as much money as possible from one class of
the citizens to give to the other."Voltaire (1694 - 1778)

"A government that is big enough to give you all you want
is big enough to take it all away."Barry Goldwater (1909 - )

"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always
depend on the support of Paul."George Bernard Shaw
(1856 - 1950), Everybody's Political What's What?
(1944) ch. 30

THE 'WELFARE STATE' - alas no more in NZ..."...the
moral test of Government is how that Government
treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children;
those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; and
those who are in the shadows of life, the sick, the needy
and the handicapped."Hubert H. Humphrey (1911 - 1978)

DEMOCRACY"Under democracy one party always
devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the
other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed,
and are right."H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)


''The great thing about democracy is that it gives every
voter a chance to do something stupid."Art Spander

"Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent
many for appointment by the corrupt few."
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950), Man and
Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"

"Democracy is a process by which the people are free
to choose the (wo)man who will get the blame."
Dr Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)

"Democracy is the name we give the people whenever
we need them."Marquis de Flers Robert and Arman de
Caillavet"Democracy becomes a government of bullies
tempered by editors."Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

GOVERNMENT"A conservative government is an
organized hypocrisy."Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881),
Speech in the House of Commons, Mar. 3, 1845

"There is no nonsense so errant that it cannot be made
the creed of the majority by adequate governmental
action."Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)

"Whenever you have an efficient government you have
a dictatorship."Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972), Lecture
at Columbia University, 28 Apr. 1959

"Feeling good about government is like looking on the
bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking
on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there."
P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ), Parliament of Whores (1991)

"Our government is the potent, the omnipresent teacher.
For good or ill, it teaches the people by its example."
Louis D. Brandeis (1856 - 1941)

"Governments never learn. Only people learn."
Milton Friedman (1912 - )


"If you think of yourselves as helpless and ineffectual,
it is certain that you will create a despotic government
to be your master. The wise despot, therefore, maintains
among his subjects a popular sense that they are helpless
and ineffectual." Frank Herbert (1920 - 1986), The
Dosadi Experiment

"It is dangerous to be right when the government is
wrong."Voltaire (1694 - 1778)

"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and
report the facts."Will Rogers (1879 - 1935), Saturday
Review, August 25, 1962

"Government is too big and too important to be left
to the politicians."Chester Bowles (1901 - 1986)

"For every action there is an equal and opposite
government program."Bob Wells

"The mystery of government is not how it works but
how to make it stop."P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - )

"Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing
in government and business."Tom Robbins (1936 - )

"Every decent man is ashamed of the government he
lives under."H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)

"A little government and a little luck are necessary in life,
but only a fool trusts either of them."P. J. O'Rourke
(1947 - )

"The best minds are not in government. If any were,
business would hire them away."Ronald Reagan
(1911 - 2004)

"History teaches that wars begin when governments
believe the price of aggression is cheap."Ronald Reagan
(1911 - 2004), Address to the Nation, Jan 16, 1984

"There is nothing so asinine that governments will not
proclaim it as official doctrine."Nolan's Observation"A
society of sheep must in time beget a government of
wolves."Bertrand de Jouvenal

"An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications."
Excerpt from the notebooks of Lazarus Long, from Robert
Heinlein's "Time Enough for Love"

"The marvel of all history is the patience with which men
and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon
them by their governments."William H. Borah

"Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're
paying for."Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

and lets end with a pearler from old Ronnie Raygun who
may have been more astute than any of us thought.....

"The nine most terrifying words in the English language
are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'"
Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004)

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Thanks to Erin for these:

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well,
I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know
what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us
will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things,
but now with all these computers and everything, I
wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple
of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed
and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do,
so for you this is no problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For
all I know, these are the same thing.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence
that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair
person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has
been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it
(though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator).....applies to engineers mainly.

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex,
cars, or sport. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother,
or have your Mother come visit us, or talk to her when
she calls, or think about her any more than I have to.
Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't
need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for
my mother, too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked
the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it,
I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...
then I will certainly at least remember the name and
recommend it to others.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine.
I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was
fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or
without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005,
I will share equally in the housework. You just do the
laundry, the cooking, the cleaning the vacuuming, and
the dishes, and I'll do the rest...... like wandering around
in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

This has been a public service announcement for Women
for the Better Understanding of Men.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three Doctors walk into a bar together and discuss
surgeries they had performed. The first one said, "I'm
the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers
in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he
performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

The second doctor said, "That's nothing. A young man
lost both arms and legsin an accident, I reattached them,
and 2 years later he won a gold medal infield events in
the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several
years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol
rode a horse head-on into a traintraveling 80 miles an
hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's assand
a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab and the
cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why
he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't
want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When
you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I
have, you get a chance to see and hear just about
everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say
or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes! I'm single
and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make
a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the
cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm
married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm
going to a Halloween party."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to my sister for these words of wisdom

1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who
died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the
passengers in his car." --Author Unknown

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and
you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin
bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?
There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY,
and they meet at the bar." --Drew Carey

4) "The problem with the designated driver program,
it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into
doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, rop
them off at the wrong house." --Jeff Foxworthy

5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly
ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save
the infant's life without even considering if there is a
man on base." --Dave Barry

6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and
we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend
wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks'
notice. There should be severance pay, the day before
they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger

7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone
took er out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,
'Mom, hey weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone

8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women
have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say
to the authors of that study: "Duh." --Conan O'Brien

9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant??
I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh
my God.... I could be eating a slow learner." --Lynda
Montgomery

10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of
people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime
and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's
go west.'" --Richard Jeni

11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
impersonators would be dead." --Johnny Carson

12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching
us geography." --Paul Rodriguez

13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but
they turned sixty and that's the law." --Jerry Seinfeld

14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told
that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single
file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?
What, do tall people burn slower?" --Warren Hutcherson

15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.
Monogamy is the same." --Oscar Wilde

16) "Suppose you were an idiot .. And suppose you were
a member of Congress... But I repeat myself." --Mark
Twain

17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school
student. At least they can find Afghanistan." --A. Whitney
Brown

18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog
will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right!
I never would've thought of that!'" --Dave Barry

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