Fun on the Web vol 4 Issue 32

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 4 Issue 32 August 15, 2005


A Gateway from the Library of Congress to Womens
History and Culture (pics, music, webcasts, and text)
http://lcweb2.loc.gov/ammem/awhhtml/

From the holocaust Museum the Story of Lola Rein
http://www.ushmm.org/museum/exhibit/online/silentwitness/lola/flash/index.htm

More on the Holocaust
http://www.ushmm.org/


On to the lighter side Madison has a Blues Fest again,
August 26 & 27th (Fri-Sat) ALL OVER Madison
http://www.buildyourownblues.com/

And don't forget 8/19-8/20 The Terrace Blues Festival
its free and will feature The Blue Olives 5-7 pm, Tate and
the Million Dollar Blues Band 7:30-9:30 pm, and The Red
Hot Horn Dawg 10 pm-midnight on Friday and Saturday
August 20 Paul Filipowicz 6-7:30 pm, Shari Davis and the
Hootchy Kootchy Band 8-9:30 pm, and Phat Phunktion.

Appearing at Monona Terrace on 8/19/05 5:30 - 9:00
pm are the Black N Blues All-Stars - including Joey B.
Banks and Clyde Stubblefied on drums, Roscoe Mitchell,
Westside Andy, David Stoler, Jimmy Doherty, Claude
Cailliet, Bruce Alford, Bobby Bryan, Cliff Fredricksen,
and Charlie Brooks.



Now we all know about custard but if you are in LA, do
you know about Mashti Malones Orange Blossom Ice
Cream or Creamy Mango? (you can also order online)
http://www.mashti.com/

Erin sent me this and it falls in the same category as "soda
vs pop". Are you into "sprinkles or jimmies"? By the way,
I always said "jimmies".
http://www.barrypopik.com/article/521/sprinkles-for-jimmies

Wacky food labels:
http://kookychow.com/kookychow/


Find an anagram in your phone number:
http://www.mbhs.edu/~bconnell/phoneagrams.html

More phone fun
http://www.dialabc.com/links/


Much like the famed "Six Degrees of Separation"
http://www.omnipelagos.com/

Although they are selling the book this site is fun. Play
the trivia game for fun or a prize.
http://www.vitalstatistics.info/

Kind of cute, read about the Mug Dog and his friends
http://www.mugrootbeer.com/


Great Chicago pics
http://chicagouncommon.com/

More urban photos
http://www.urbanphoto.net/2005-july.htm

On to the chuckles:
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Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

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You can't scare me. I drive a school bus!

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I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion,
and I know my way around pretty well.

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My family puts the "fun" back in dysFUNctional.

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More Thoughts to Ponder:

How come only car keys are the only keys with teeth on
both sides?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only
one day of Christmas?

When something's funny why is it called a "knee-slapper"
when you actually slap your thigh?

Since a running back runs forward, why is he called a
running back?

If you die and you have a broken leg do they take the cast
off?

Is sign language the same in languages other than English?

Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no
"o" in number?

Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"?
Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one?

Do the security guards at airports have to go through
airport security when they get to work?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and
then have them read about wars in school that solved
America's problems?

Who gets to keep the pennies in a wishing well?

If you went back in time and killed your mother would you
disappear the moment you killed her?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have
branches?

Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a
monkey?

If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still
called a dog pile?

How important does a person have to be before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Do the air bubbles that are created when you fart in water,
smell when they pop?

When a boy is named after his dad, he is called 'Junior,' but
what do you call a girl that is named after her mother?

Just what was the "Baby On Board" sign for? Did it help us
decide which car not to hit in case of an accident?

Does Hawaiian Punch come from Hawaii?

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy,
would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

Can you cry under water?

If all of the Acme stuff doesn't work, why does Wile
Coyote keep buying their products?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take
candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged!
Why is that ?

Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you
find something funny? When obviously we do?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a
"penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Why do people call it an ATM machine, but they know it's
really saying Automated Teller Machine Machine?

Why do people say PIN number when that truly means
Personal Identification Number Number?

Why is Christmas colors red and green when Santa's suit
is red and white?

Why do you DELETE something on the computer, but
ERASE something on paper?

Since there is a rule that states "i" before "e" except after
"c", wouldn't "science" be spelled wrong?

If the S.W.A.T team comes to your house and breaks down
your door, do they replace it later?

If the handicapped bathrooms are for people who cant walk
why do they put them at the end of the bathrooms ?

Why is it that on the back of a medicine bottle it says "adult"
is 12 and above, but the adult age in reality is 18?

Why do most people put more effort into their wedding
than their actual marriage?

Why do dogs walk around in circles before lying down?

Can a metal plate in your head get rusted?

Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to
themselves?

If the day before a holiday is called Christmas Eve, is the
day after Christmas Adam?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes
you were buried in for eternity?

How come you can kill a deer and put it on your wall but
it's illegal to keep them as a pet?

What do vegetarians feed their dogs?

Can someone give up lent for lent?

Why would Dodge make a car called Ram?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Why is it when we duck they call us chicken?

What did cured ham actually have?

If CD’s were spun in the opposite direction, would it say
everything backwards?

If lava melts rock, wouldn’t the lava melt the volcano?

If a man has no fingers, can he press charges?

Can a blind man see his future?

Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with
their mouth full?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog"
when dogs just sit around all day?

Can you write in pencil on an eraser?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured
out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that when we are humming and then we plug
our nose, our humming stops?

Do people really hum through their nose, or their mouths?

Can you blow a balloon up under water?

Can crop circles be square?

How do they get the air inside the bubble wrap?

Why are there black lines on a basketball?

Does it really count in court when an atheist is sworn in
under oath using a Bible?

Why are there pictures of the sun wearing sunglasses when
the purpose of sunglasses is to protect your eyes from the
sun?

If you were born exactly on 12:00 midnight on December
31st – January 1st, which year would you say you were
born in?

If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you
climbed out?

Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?

When a car is for sale and it has a balloon on it, does the
balloon come with it?

If you are parking somewhere and the signs in front of the
parked cars say "30 minutes" then when your 30 minutes
are up can you park in the spot right next to you??

Why isn't the word 'gullible' in the dictionary?

When you see the weather report and it says "partly
cloudy" and then the next day it says "partly sunny";
what’s the difference?

Can a person choke and die on a life saver?

Why are women and men's shoe sizes different?

What happens when you say “hi” to your friend on an
airplane who's name is Jack?

If you took a compass to outer space would it still point
"magnetic north"? Is there still a north, south, east, and
west in space?

Why is it illegal to put money in other people's parking
meters?

Do people with big eyes see at a wider range than people
with smaller eyes?

Do you ever notice those red balls on the wires while your
driving? Well what are they for?

Why do people who don’t want to go to hell bury
themselves 6 ft. closer?

Why is the St. Louis baseball team the cardinals, but the
Missouri state bird is the blue bird?

Why are public toilet seats never complete ovals?
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Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.

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Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.

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"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
~~ Fran Lebowitz

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"Give a man food, and he can eat for a day. Give a man
a job, and he can only eat for 30 minutes on break."
~~ Lev L. Spiro

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When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth
shut."

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"Practice safe eating — always use condiments."

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Thanks to Amanda for these:
A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass
in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, "In Mexico our glasses so cheap we don't need to
drink from the same glass twice."

An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer,
throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots
the glass to pieces. He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand
to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same
glass twice either.

The Texan, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks
it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots
the Mexican and the Iraqi, and catches his glass. He says,
"In America we have so many Mexicans and Arabs that we
don't have to drink with the same ones twice.

"GOD BLESS TEXAS"

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YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE TELLS IT ALL

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a
play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the
mother replied. "It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal
questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy
get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends
begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little
girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her
drivers' license. It is like a report card, it has everything
on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know
how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that
out?

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in
heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly,
"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

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A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto
for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast
little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic
around town. He would probably have settled on any
beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like
was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said, "I want something that goes from 0 to
200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up.
You could surprise me."

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom
scale. Services will be at Downing funeral home on Monday
the 18th, this will be a closed casket service.

Please send your donations to the 'Think Foundation'.

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Thanks to Mike for this one:

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a
house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell, and
the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy
goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever
sitting there. "You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says: "Well, I discovered that I
could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to
help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to
country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders,
because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years
running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew
I wasn't getting any younger, so I wanted to settle down.
I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover
security work, mostly wandering near suspicious
characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible
dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married,
had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner
what he wants for the dog. "Ten dollars", the owner says.

The guy says, "This dog is astounding! Why on earth are
you selling him so cheaply?"

And the owner replied, "Because he's a liar. He didn't do
any of that crap."

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And finally from Sheila comes a new exercise routine.

If you're over 40, you might want to take it easy at first,
then do it faster as you become more proficient.

It may be too strenuous for some.

Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise
program!

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That's enough for the first day. Great job. Have a Beer.

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Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

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