Fun on the Web vol 4 Issue 41

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 4 Issue 41 October 17, 2005



First Kermit the Frog turned 50
http://www.prnewswire.com/cgi-bin/stories.pl?ACCT=109&STORY=/www/story/10-17-2005/0004170585&EDATE=


I'm glad to be back in Wisconsin where it's fall, but this
week it's cold and rainy in LA and we have a forcast for
a high of 78 degrees later this week! I came home to
some icky computer issues so I won't be investigating
too many websites (most of this issue about Halloween
was done in California) but I have to point you to this
site I found about Vampires. The scariest part is the
link to vampire ringtones. Who knew anyone wanted
Vampire ringtones much less was willing to spend the
time to make a site for them?
http://www.vampires.nu/

Next the all important question "What should you be
for Halloween?
http://blogthings.com/halloweenquiz.html

Halloween costume and makeup ideas
http://20ishparents.com/holiday/cost.shtml
http://www.fabulousfoods.com/holidays/halloween/costumes.html
http://www.make-stuff.com/hollidays/monster.html
http://www.octanecreative.com/ducttape/halloween/
http://familyfun.go.com/arts-and-crafts/season/specialfeature/halloween_ms_costumes/

Hallowig
http://knitty.com/ISSUEfall04/PATThallowig.html


Halloween cocktails
http://www.digsmagazine.com/host/host_halloweencocktails.htm
http://www.epicurious.com/drinking/drink_views/views/200308

or try Bucket O' Blood: red fruit punch and rubber gloves.
Just fill gloves with water, freeze, then unmold ice to form
"dead man's hands" floating on top of the punch. EEEW!

Halloween Food
http://jenny.blogspot.com/ljcsProjects/cooking/halloweenFood.html
http://www.ljcfyi.com/ljcsProjects/cooking/halloween03.html
http://www.ljcfyi.com/ljcsProjects/cooking/halloweenFood2004.html
http://www.epicurious.com/cooking/holiday/halloween/halloween
http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=content&id=channel184744
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/et_hd_halloween/text/0,1972,FOOD_9836_14672,00.html
http://www.britta.com/HW/HWr.html
http://www.fabulousfoods.com/holidays/halloween/halloween.html
http://about.com/food/rSrch.htm?zIsPG=gSrch&terms=halloween&cu=-&co=-&x=27&y=16

http://content1.williams-sonoma.com/recipe/index.cfm?cmtype=GlobalNav&sid=WSW85YOYL6TWTQIB68AN2LLENBMFWIAY200510102237&src=hme

Great Halloween stuff from Martha
http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=learn-cat&id=cat20519
http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=learn-cat&id=cat284&navLevel=3&navHistory=cat2%2Bcat244&site=

Halloween crafts
http://lauraland.typepad.com/laura_land/halloween/index.html
http://www.ericamulherin.com/Projects/Halloween_Dolls/Halloween_dolls.htm

Carve a virtual pumpkin (may be loud)
http://www.liquidgeneration.com/sabotage/pumpkin_carve.asp



The biggest, (scariest) oldest standing building in Pasadena's
Old Town and the web site is pretty scarey too.
http://www.oldtownhaunt.com


If you haven't found what you need for Halloween try:
http://www.familycircle.com/
http://www.womansday.com/
http://www.lhj.com/
http://www.bhg.com/
http://www.midwestliving.com/
http://www.rd.com/
http://www.marthastewart.com/
http://home.ivillage.com/entertaining/holiday/topics/0,,4tl0,00.html
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/et_hd_halloween/
http://familyfun.go.com/parties/holiday/minisite/halloween-main/halloween-main.html
http://www.cooking.com/recipes/
http://recipes.chef2chef.net/recipe-halloween/
http://www.oprah.com/
http://www.epicurious.com/shop/fall
http://www.michaels.com
http://www.recipelink.com/halloween.html
http://www.cooksrecipes.com/holiday-recipes/halloween.html
http://www.holidays.net/halloween/recipes.htm
http://www.hookerycookery.com/hween-menu.htm



Check out this site but it will require Active X controls
which may make your computer more vulnerable. Do
not load Active X controls with out an adequate firewall
and antivirus software. This is an entertainment site
http://www.liquidgeneration.com/home.asp

More fun stuff here:
http://ladymac.com/archives/category/fun-trendy/


Check out what kind of english you speak here
I rated 55% General American English,25% Yankee, and 20% Upper Midwestern
http://www.blogthings.com/amenglishdialecttest/


Super Soaker forums, tech advice, reviews, home made
devices, what gun to choose, and more
http://www.sscentral.org/

Amazing cakes for weddings or engagements
http://207.36.61.37/


On to the chuckles:
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"I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat."
~~ Will Rogers

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"The more you read and observe about this Politics thing,
you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
The one that's out always looks the best." ~~ Will Rogers

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the
whole government working for you." ~~ Will Rogers

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"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life
exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has
tried to contact us." ~~ Bill Watterson (author of
Calvin & Hobbs)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did they really say that?

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces
some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana ...
The researchers also discovered other similarities
between the two, but can't remember what they are.
~~ Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22.

The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people
that make them unsafe. ~~ Frank Rizzo - former
Philadelphia mayor & police chief

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.
~~ former French president Charles de Gaulle

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David Letterman's Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself
Before Buying Burger King's New Meat'Normous Sandwich...
10. "How dangerous is four-digit cholesterol?"
9. "Am I comfortable using the word, 'meat'normous'?"
8. "Do I have $3.49 and a death wish?"
7. "Is that bigger than meat'gantic?"
6. "Does a massive coronary qualify as 'having it my way'?"
5. "Is this gonna spoil my breakfast dessert?"
4. "Should I ask my doctor about Lipitor?"
3. "Why do I have to sign a waiver?"
2. "Can I get it with egg whites?"
1. "Did Cheney like it?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Columbus did not set out to discover America. He was
looking for a quicker route to India. Do you know why
he was trying to get to India? He was trying to get the
King of Spain's computer fixed." ~~ Jay Leno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time there was a young man who wanted to
become a great writer. "I want to write things the whole
world will read," he declared. "Stuff that will elicit strong
emotions from people in every walk of life. I want my
writing to make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger."

He now lives happily ever after in Redmond, Wash.,
writing error messages for Microsoft.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More thoughts to Ponder for the over 40 set

If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more
than standing in a garage makes you a car.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've
never tried before.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is
serious.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite
government program.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need
the trip.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away
three weeks before you need it.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast
to the real world.

It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the
national weather service.

People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.

You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.

You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who
walks into the room.

You sing along with elevator music.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning
to pay off.

You can't remember who sent you this list.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Redneck Computer Glossary

"Hard drive" - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with
3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

"Keyboard" - Place to hang your truck keys.

"Window" - Place in the truck to hang your guns.

"Modem" - How you got rid of your dandelions.

"ROM" - Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.

"Byte" - First word in a kiss-off phrase.

"Reboot" - What you do when the first pair gets covered
with barnyard stuff.

"Network" - Activity meant to provide bait for your
trout line.

"Mouse" - Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle
in order to get a free case.

"LAN" - To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore
truck."

"Cursor" - What some guys do when they are mad at
their wife and/or girlfriend.

"bit" - A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon
seed across the porch long ways."

"digital control" - What yore fingers do on the TV remote.

"packet" - What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag
before a trip.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are two kinds of people. The takers and the givers.
The takers sometimes eat better, but the givers always
sleep better. ~~ Danny Thomas

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MEN!
I need some advice on what could be a life changing
decision. Thanks in advance. I've suspected for some
time now that my girlfriend has been seeing someone
else.

The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs
up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently
although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some
friends from work, you don't know them".

I always look out for her taxi coming home but she
always walks down the drive although I can hear a car
setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the
corner. Why? Is it not a taxi?

I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it
was and she went berserk and screamed that I should
never touch her phone again and why was I checking
up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my
girlfriend. I think deep down I just didn't want to know
the truth but last night she went out again and I decided
to check on her. I decided I was going to hide behind my
car which would give me a view of the whole street so I
could see which car she gets out of.

It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust
around my rear wheel arch. Should I take it into a body
repair shop or should I buy some stuff from the local
auto shop and try to repair it myself?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sylvester Stallone is going to make "Rocky: 6" ...
I believe in this one he's going to fight Angela Lansbury."
~~ Jay Leno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things your Mother would NEVER say...

-- Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.
-- Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad
to feed and walk him every day.
-- That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.
-- Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.
-- The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not
like I'm running a prison around here.
-- Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the
house look bad.
-- Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?
-- Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it
out if you're in trouble.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One-liners...

Middle age is when you are warned to slow down by a
doctor instead of a policeman.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough
for me.

An escalator never breaks . . . it only becomes stairs.

When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

What will today's younger generation tell their children they
had to do "without"?

If you're doing the speed limit, you're in the way.

18 out of 10 schizophrenics agree.

It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

Bumper Sticker: Excuse me for driving so closely in front
of you.

Today is the last day of your life, so far.

No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions.

People never grow up; they just learn how to act in public.

One half of the world will never understand the other half
and it doesn't matter which half you're in.

I've discovered the whole problem with the National Debt.
Most of us work 5 days a week and the government spends 7.

You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks
out its neck.

No matter how bad it gets, I'm rich at the dollar store.

The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people
can't hold it.

The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.

If you want to know more about paranoids, follow them around.

Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.

The reason Las Vegas is so crowded is that no one has the
plane fare to leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Understanding Men

1. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These
men usually have jobs and bathe.

2. All men hate to hear, "We need to talk about our relation-
ship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even
retired General Schwartzkopf.

3. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel
important.

4. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

5. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department
is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches
from the door.

6. Men forget everything; women remember everything.
Think about it! How many women's sports use something
called an "instant replay?"

7. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying
with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because
they grow up identifying with Barbie.

8. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is
on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

9. Women take clothing much more seriously than men.
I've never seen a man walk into a party and say, "Oh no,
I'm so embarrassed; I've got to get out of here. There's
another man wearing a black tuxedo."

10. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If
your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping
next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Mike for these:

Click on this German Bears and move your mouse cursor
across the bears ---you do not have to click mouse button.
Amazing how they do this and how much time was spent
writing the program.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Karl Rove NeoCondoms!

The Ruckus Society is pleased to introduce the
Karl Rove NeoCondom. This first edition prophylactic is
embossed with the face of our President’s Chief Political
Strategist (i.e. “Bush’s Brain”) and reads “Some Things
Should Never Leak.” These latex rubbers are the cutting
edge in Fundamentalist Christian birth control.

Karl Rove NeoCondoms, like their namesake, leak, so they
cannot be viewed as a sinful contraceptive. However, our
exhaustive field-testing has proven that Karl’s pudgy face
on every wrapper will promote abstinence by functioning
as a powerful deterrent to sex.

The Karl Rove NeoCondom is being issued to commem-
orate Karl’s fourth trip back to Special Prosecutor Patrick
Fitzgerald’s Grand Jury. Mr. Rove has had difficulty
recollecting the role he played in exposing the identity of
Valerie Plame, an undercover CIA agent whose husband
was critical of Karl’s efforts to “get our war on” in Iraq.
Karl will surely maintain his innocence while addressing
some tricky issues of testimony-drift.

His testimony will most likely take place this Friday,
October 14. Oddly, they are being very secretive about
the date and time. Look for his NeoCondoms to debut
wherever Karl can be found in DC this week.
Come on Karl! Show yourself, man!!!!!

Action Alert: Ruckus, Code Pink, the League of Pissed
Off Voters, and assorted DC allies will be at 3rd and
Constitution outside the Superior Courthouse in DC
when Karl testifies. We should be easy to spot (think
strong Condom Motif here). Please come and join us if
you can. Anyone pitching in on our efforts will take
home their very own Karl Rove NeoCondom.

Join the Karl Rove Rapid Response email list, and we'll
alert you to when he will be testifying. Then, you can
hurry on down and join in on the fun. The first five folks
to join us will have the honor of wearing life size condoms
(just kidding - they're already called for). If you can’t be
there in person, be there in spirit by
donating to the action fund and getting your very own Karl Rove NeoCondom.
Please pass this email on to your friends!

p.s. Sign up to receive our email ShoutOuts! on The Ruckus Society website.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Erin who is a social worker and says
" just like work"
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed
by 15 kids...

"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "are they ALL
YOURS???"

"Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs,
having heard that question a thousand times before. She
says, "Sit down Leroy."All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to
sign up. I'll need all your children's names."

"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy."

"OK, and who's next?"

"Well, this one he is Leroy, also."

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues.

One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named
Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named
Leighroy!"All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a
pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?"

Their Momma replied, "Well, yes-it makes it easier. When
it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell,
'Leroy!'An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an'
they all comes a runnin.'An' if I need to stop the kid who's
running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them
stop. It' s the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all
Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles
her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just
want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

"I call them by their last names.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Sheila for this one:

CANADIAN COMIC ON BILL CLINTON
It doesn't matter what party you belong to - this is funny.

On a Canadian TV show, there was a black comedian who
said he misses Bill Clinton. "Yep, that's right - I miss Bill
Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a
black man as President. Number 1 - He played the sax.
Number 2 - He smoked weed. Number 3 - He had his way
with ugly white women.

Even now? Look at him... his wife works, and he doesn't!

And, he gets a check from the government every month!

Manufacturers announced today that they would be
stocking America's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup,"
in honor of one of the nations' most distinguished men.

It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to
honor Bill Clinton: The Dodge Drafter. Naturally, it will
be built in Canada.

When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton
replied, "I don't know, I never had one."

American Indians nicknamed Bill Clinton "Walking Eagle"
because he is so full of crap he can't fly.

Clinton lacked only four things to become one of America's
finest leaders: honor, integrity, vision, and wisdom.

Clinton was doing the work of three men: Larry, Moe and
Curly.

The Clintons revised the judicial oath: "I solemnly swear
to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe
it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."

Clinton's legacy will be recorded in history as the only
President to do Hanky Panky between The Bushes."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to my sister for this one:

Sometimes...
when you cry...
no one sees your tears.

Sometimes...
when you are in pain...
no one sees your hurt.

Sometimes...
when you are worried...
no one sees your stress.

Sometimes...
when you are happy...
no one sees your smile.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
But FART!!
just ONE time...
And everybody knows!!

Gotcha!! You thought it was going to be one of those
hearttouching stories I usually send! Not! But, it was
too cute not to send. LOL

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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