FUN on the WEB vol 5 issue 13

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 5 Issue 13 March 27, 2006

Well it's almost here so I thought I would share the origins
and pranks of April Fools Day:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/April_Fool

Try some April Fool Recipes
http://www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/cat/553/0.shtml


Top 100 April Fool Pranks of All Time are here:
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/aprilfool/

Try this Histories Greatest Hoaxes Quiz
http://www.historychannel.com/exhibits/hoax/hoax.html

Links to more funny pranks from last year
http://www.urgo.org/aprilfools.html

Tricks and pranks on the net
http://www.2meta.com/april-fools/


I started off with their April page but the whole site
is useful with holidays listed, religious and otherwise.
It also shows famous literary birthdays (Shakespeare
and Hans Christian Andersen both were born in April).
It's slanted to the UK traditions but still helpful.
http://www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/customs/questions/specialdays.htm

April Fool's gone awry
http://www.breitbart.com/news/2005/12/28/D8EPIGQG0.html

April Fool's cards
http://www.all-yours.net/c/xgallery/aprilfool1.html
http://www.123greetings.com/events/april_fools_day/
http://www.greetsomeone.com/april/fool.htm
http://www.freewebcards.com/cards/aprilfools/index.shtml
http://www.ecardology.com/april_fools/april_fools.html


Ancient glass making
http://www.unc.edu/courses/rometech/public/content/arts_and_crafts/Susan_Hampton/Roman_Glass.html

Ever wondered about Watergate? You can find out most
of the story now that the Freedom of Information Act
has opened the records
http://foia.fbi.gov/foiaindex/waterga.htm

The source of the leak to the Washington Post was known
as Deep Throat. Here is a long awaited interview with him:
http://www.vanityfair.com/commentary/content/articles/050530roco02


Engineering with pennies - they build amazing structures
with these pillars of coins and chips.
http://www.fincher.org/Misc/Pennies/


Thanks to Mike for this blues site for budding musicians
http://www.desktopblues.lichtlabor.ch/

Great music site although you must register. Since 1995
they have covered all music genres with critiques of
albums and artists, biographies, style descriptions, AMG
ratings and picks, a database of out-of-print recordings,
plus facts about albums or artists, including title, tracks,
genre, label, credits, release date, cover and artist images :
http://www.allmusic.com/


A Stupid Person's Guide To Life
http://rinkworks.com/brick/


Makeover the Mona Lisa (this is fun)
http://www.drcomenge.com/apothia/default.html


For the nature enthusiast or the Iron Man there is an
adventure race in Australia this June. More details:
http://www.gar.com.au/geoquest/geoindex.htm


Outdoor Living enthusiast may enjoy this set of video
articles and ideas. They do need your speakers on to
be effective so if you can't listen now save this for later.
http://www.living.com/


Seinfeld Quotes
http://www.pkmeco.com/seinfeld/


The adventures of Hi Monkey. Ya gotta see it to
appreciate it.
http://www.himonkey.net/index2.html


Check out this amusing blog of Pinkie a confirmed shop-
aholic, shoe fiend and mom:
http://princesspinkysplattitudes.blogspot.com/


Follow the lives of this family with triplets who are 7
months old now
http://www.voidstate.com/blog/


Birth, life and loss of one of the 3 micro preemies,
born January 7th. With amazing grace this writer
shares their story.
http://gharaiblets.blogspot.com/


Another online game site:
http://www.addictinggames.com/

Collect all the beer and head for the exit
http://nitrovortex.com/beermonster/index.html

More free games
http://gametownamerica.com/
http://www.coolbuddy.com/games/default.htm


OMG watch this one
http://bestfunnypics.blogspot.com/

About life in Japan as an ESL teacher
http://kristenjapan.blogspot.com/


LMAO not for FOTW
http://jokesandhumoronline.blogspot.com/

http://www.myheritage.com/FP/Company/face_recognition.php?s=1&u=g0&lang=EN&restore&category=1

For ebooks
http://www.womensarticles.com/article_37915_24.html

Single TV Dads Hall of Fame
http://www.tvdads.com/tvdad.html

On to the chuckles:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Always carry a corkscrew and the wine shall provide
itself." ~~ Basil Bunting

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The Supreme Court has ruled that medicinal marijuana
use is illegal. That ought to teach those people to come
down with cancer!" ~~ Jay Leno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his
friends went to the funeral in one car." Steven Wright

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

~~ Ingrid Bergman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"There are so many scandals now they're all starting to
run together. Last night I fell asleep watching the news
and I had a nightmare where I dreamed a Georgia bride
ran away to the Neverland Ranch so she could secretly
meet Paula Abdul and have a three way with Pat O'Brien."
~~ Jay Leno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"This is wonderful weather we are having. It's a beautiful
spring, everyone is in a great mood. As matter of fact
over at St. Patrick's I saw the priests loading their Super
Soakers with holy water." ~~ David Letterman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"In Middlefield, Ohio, they opened an Amish Wal-Mart,
a Wal- Mart catering to the Amish community. The
Amish people say it's the greatest thing since unsliced
bread." ~~ Jay Leno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writings On the Wall

Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lyrics Misinterpreted by Kids...

* God bless America thru the night with a light from a
bulb!

* Oh Susanna, Oh don't you cry for me, For I come
from Alabama with a band-aid on my knee!

* Give us this day our deli bread!

* Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the
Whole East Coast.

* We shall come to Joyce's, bringing in the cheese.

* Gladly, the consecrated, cross-eyed bear.

* He carrots for you.

* Yield Not to Penn Station.

* Dust Around the Throne.

* Praise God From whom all blessings flow, Praise Him
all creatures, HERE WE GO

* Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him
names.

* While shepherds washed their socks by night.

* He socked me and boxed me with His redeeming glove.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two Blondes, living in Arkansas were sitting on a bench
one evening when one asked the other, "What do you
think is farther, Florida or the moon?"

The other blondes give her a puzzled look and replies,
"Helloooooooo--Can you see Florida?!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do...
(especially when you share the same major!)

PSYCHOLOGY Girl accuses boy of just using her as a
substitute for his mother.

SOCIOLOGY Each claims to have been oppressed in the
relationship.

ARCHAEOLOGY One tries to bury the past, and accuses
the other of trying to dig it up.

THEATRE "OH! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!"

BIOLOGY "You just wanted to get in my genes!"

PHYSICS Both resign themselves to the fact that what
goes up must come down.

JOURNALISM "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19,
and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..."

WOMEN'S STUDIES "HE did it!"

BUSINESS Both decide that they're spending way too
much money together, and that it's simply cheaper to be
single.

HISTORY Each party argues the breakup was caused by
something the other party did in the past.

GEOGRAPHY Both people decide to simply move far
away to avoid each other.

ANATOMY "I never liked your body anyway."

ECONOMICS One party demands more than the other
can supply.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the
place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to
break the ice with his new audience, He asks if anyone
would like him to play a request.

A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the
first row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a Jazz
chord! Play a jazz chord!" Amazed that this guy knows
about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the
blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and
then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.

When he finishes the whole place goes wild. The little old
man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord,
play a Jazz chord."

A bit irritated by this, Stevie, being the professional that
he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band
around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place
apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of
his technical expertise.

The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz
chord, play a jazz chord!" Well now truly irritated that
this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability.
Stevie says to him from the stage "OK, mister, you get up
here and do it!"

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of
the mike and starts to sing... "A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Top Ten Signs Your History Teacher is Incompetent

10. Class motto: Locate a State Capital...do a shot.

9. Thinks Mussolini was Hitler's favorite pasta.

8. You're pretty sure Ben Franklin didn't invent bungee
jumping.

7. Believes the mafia to be responsible for the fall of the
Roman Empire.

6. Allows you to cite Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman as a
source in your Old West term paper.

5. Thinks Prozac was responsible for bringing the nation
out of the Great Depression.

4. Focuses exclusively on how marshmallows changed
history.

3. Washington didn't defend the US against the British
Invasion of the 1960's.

2. Tells you that Columbo landed in America and
discovered the pilgrims.

1. Identifies Napoleon as the guy who figured out how
to keep different flavors of ice cream from running
together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.

For if some peace I do not find,
I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.

I pray I find a little quiet,
Far from the daily family riot..

May I lie back and not have to think
About what they're stuffing down the sink,

Or who they're with, or where they're at
And what they're doing to the cat.

I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?).

To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish--dead!).

Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?).

And that I need not cook or clean
(well heck, I've got the right to dream)

Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,

But as I look around I know,
I must have lost them long ago!

Author Unknown

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ron was terribly overweight, so his doctor put
him on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then
skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.
The next time I see you, you will have lost at
least 5 pounds."

When Ron returned, he shocked the doctor by losing
nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you
follow my instructions?"

Ron nodded. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was
going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from skipping."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got
lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find
a way out. He had not eaten anything during this
period and was famished.

Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He
killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a
couple of park rangers happen to find him at that
very moment, and arrested him for killing an
endangered species.

In court, he plead innocent to the charges against
him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle
he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled
in his favor.

In the judge's closing statement he asked the man,
"I would like you to tell me something before I let
you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever
plan on it. What did it taste like?"

The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross
between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Erin for this quiz:

http://www.dr-joe.net/quiz.html

you've got to try this! the results are amazing!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Erin for this one:
After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama
is still alive," Osama himself decided to send
George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let
him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain
a single line of coded message: 370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he E-mailed it to Condi Rice.
Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they
sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the
FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With
no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked
Britain's MI-6 for help.

Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with
this reply: "Tell the President he's holding the
message upside down."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So my daughter Cheyenne, being a very intelligent 2 year
old, decided to do something constructive with her nap
time. She decided to clean her fish tank and her room.

She took a box of kleenex from the dresser and began to
dip the kleenex in the fish tank water and wash the tank,
inside and out. This became slightly problematic when
the kleenex got sopping wet and began to disintegrate.
That did not phase her too much because she had a
WHOLE box to work with. She just shook off the broken
pieces, threw the shreds on the floor and in the tank and
kept going. Hard workers never stop until the job is done!

Then, after cleaning the tank and leaving the fish with lots
of fluffy white clouds to play with and try to eat in their
tank, she decided to clean the dresser where the tank was,
since it had gotten kind of wet in the fish tank cleaning
process.

Since it had worked fairly well so far, she took more of the
never ending box of kleenex and began to sop up the spilled
water, washing all along the dresser as she went. After that
job was done, she left the blobs of kleenex on the dresser so
she could find them later for further use. Waste not, want
not!

She then addressed the floor, which had gotten pretty wet
while she was cleaning her dresser. She took, yet again,
more of the oh so plentiful puffs plus and made her way
across her entire bedroom floor leaving bits of disinte-
grated kleenex everywhere, along with the fresh clean
smell of stagnant fish tank water. She was very careful
not to miss scrubbing the little flower area rugs, and that
was hard work with wet kleenex! Somewhat problematic,
but not impossible.

After that she took a break from all her hard work and
had a little fun jumping on her bed with her sopping wet
clothes. Even the hardest workers get to rest a little, you
know. Then she took the remaining kleenex, got it wet,
and threw it so it would stick to stuff. It was pretty cool.

Kleenex is the most amazing product, it sticks to stuff so
well when it is wet, and it almost bonds to it when it dries...
kind of like a pulpy gloppy sort of glue. I think she might
have tried to build something with it, just to test it's
structural stabilty, I'm not sure I could not identify the
object she was working on when I came in.


Eventually, as all parents do, I came upstairs to check on
my sweet little sleeping angel child and found my surprise.
Three hours later after I washed the child, scolded the
child, put the child back to bed for her nap - in another
room altogether, cussed and hollered at the fish and the
walls, washed her clothes, cussed out the wash machine,
washed the floor, cussed out the throw rugs, washed the
sheets and blankets, again cussed out the washer and the
dryer both for their participation in this event, cleaned
the dresser and drawers that had gotten some of the
special scented cleaning solvent in them, and scooped all
the fluffy white clouds out of the fish tank one small ity
bity piece at a time, I decided to post this email with the
following ad for to local paper.

WORK WANTED:
LIVE IN house keeper looking for work. Available to
start today! Great with pets! Makes her own cleaning
solutions! Loves to wash floors and dust furniture!
Very into recycled products! Creative cleaning is her
motto! Not able to drive so please be prepared to pick
her up with all her belongings. A large dump truck might
be a good vehicle to try.

Please call. Cheap, Cheap, Cheap rates!!! Make an offer
today! Really, we mean it, please call.
(no substitutions or exclusions, no return policy, soap
optional, we are not responsible for any loss of paper
good products you may experience or any loss of
aquatic life)

Yes, you may forward this to anyone with children. Or
anyone interested in our want ad. Especially anyone
interested in our want ad. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to my sister for this one:

The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up
nicely with picnic tables, barbecue pit, horseshoe courts,
along with some apple and peach trees. The pond was
properly shaped and designed for swimming when it
was built.

One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond
and look it over. He hadn't been there for a while. He
grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As
he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing
with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young
women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he
made the women aware of his presence.

At once, they all went to the deep end. One of the women
shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave."

The old man frowned, "I did not come down here to watch
you young ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the
pond naked."Holding up the bucket, he said, "I'm here to
feed the alligator."

Moral: Old men can still think fast!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

If you know someone who would enjoy my newsletter,
please send it to them, complete with my e-mail address
so that they can subscribe.

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If you missed an issue or would like to refer back to a link
or a funny, I am in the process of adding the back issues to
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Don't forget to check out my jewelry, vintage Avon, collectibles,
and other gift items on eBay! Thanks!
http://stores.ebay.com/Jewelry-Avon-and-all-that-Jazz

Thanks and have a great week!
Copyright 2006 by Shane and Associates