Fun on the Web vol 5 Issue 2

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 5 Issue 2 January 9, 2006

I got one of those "Women's Safety Tips" scare you type
emails and want to share what the real deal is, so for
real tips for staying safe in a few situations look here:
http://www.snopes.com/crime/prevent/ninetips.asp


Top 10 books for winter nights
http://books.guardian.co.uk/top10s/top10/0,6109,1670745,00.html


A new community on eBay unfortunately not in the US
but England, Canada, Germany, Australia, Poland, and
many more countries offer housing, jobs, ride share,
personal ads, and more services.
http://www.kijiji.com/


Before they try to tell us about the Best Movies of 2005
lets look at the mistakes. This site also has Easter Eggs,
those hidden treasures you can find on your DVD.
http://www.moviemistakes.com/year2005



If you are looking for new software for any reason check
out Freeware and Shareware from respected sources like:
http://www.pcmag.com/category2/0,1874,23,00.asp
http://www.download.com/2001-20_4-0.html
http://www.tucows.com/
http://techrepublic.com.com/2001-6240-0.html


Or look at Sally's suggestions:
http://fox.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/2005/12/do_everything_w.html



If you think Yabut or schmuckspert should be words,
then Unwords is your kind of site. It's made up words.
http://www.unwords.com/



Always fun is Dave Barry's Year in Review http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/13517336.htm


The Shopping List Compendium: a collection of abandoned
shopping and grocery lists
http://www.redhotscott.co.uk/shoppinglists/index.html


theCitizen: is a unique travel guidebook written for the anti-
tourist. If your idea of fun is taking a week off from work
and heading out west to a dude ranch, this is not for you.
http://thecitizenguide.com/


Company Use Online Magazines to Woo Customers
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20060102/D8ESPJSO2.html


Drag and drop word game online to play with others:
http://www.wannaspell.com/



The Best of Folded Space
http://www.foldedspace.org/weblog/fs_best_of/
http://www.foldedspace.org/weblog/howto/

Always gorgeous photos here for wallpaper or just to look at
http://www.nationalgeographic.com/photography/
http://www.time.com/time/yip/2005/

To change your wallpaper follow these instructions
http://www.worldstart.com/tips/tips-pr.php/722


Slideshow of Bush pictures or just pick and choose
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blbushpictures.htm



There was an article about a bunch of fun food blogs in
the Los Angles Times by Avital Binshtock
http://www.latimes.com/features/food/la-fo-foodblogs4jan04,0,6951611.story

Because the article is for subscribers and probably will
be unavailable by the time this is published I cut out the
blog descriptions and URLs. They are as follows:

The Accidental Hedonist:
http://www.accidentalhedonist.com
An old-school blog — general food musings from former
aspiring stand-up comic Kate Hopkins.

I Was Just Really Very Hungry:
http://www.maki.typepad.com/justhungry
Another general musings blog, from Makiko Itoh, a
Japanese-born food lover living in Switzerland.

Pho-king: An Orange County pho lover's obsession,
bowl by bowl.
http://www.hewnandhammered.com/pho



SliceNY: http://www.sliceny.com
Interactive New York City pizza map and reviews.


Balmy Duck: http://www.balmyduck.blogspot.com
Reviews boxed cake mixes.

Bacontarian: http://www.bacontarian.com
Ravings from pork enthusiasts.

Deep End Dining: http://www.deependdining.com
Close encounters with Southern California restaurants'
most challenging dishes.

The Wednesday Chef: Pits the L.A. Times Food section
against the New York Times dining section.
http://wednesdaychef.typepad.com/


Burrito Eater: http://www.burritoeater.com
Reviews of San Francisco taquerías and burrito stands.

I Love Sandwiches: http://www.keaggy.com/sandwich
Anything and everything about sandwiches.

The Art of the Buffet or All You Can Eat is Not a Challenge:
http://www.buffets.blogspot.com Reviews of all-you-can-
eat buffets, mostly in Pennsylvania and Virginia.

White Trash BBQ: http://www.whitetrashbbq.blogspot.com
A Brooklynite competes on the barbecue competition circuit.

A Hamburger Today: http://www.ahamburgertoday.com
The sister site to SliceNY parses burgers on both coasts.
Worthwhile just for its link to Burger Time, a video game
in which you move a little chef around, avoiding the hot
dogs, eggs and pickles.

Garlicster: http://www.garlicster.blogspot.com
Recipes that use a lot of garlic.

Candy Blog: http://www.typetive.com/candyblog
Candy reviews and analysis, nicely photographed.

FOODBlog: http://www.kiplog.com/food


On to the chuckles:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"We have had terrible rain storms here in California.
Yesterday Beverly Hills got six inches of water. Three
of which were sparkling." ~~ Jay Leno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Did you hear about this? A high school kid from Florida,
his parents are from Iraq, he is American born. He is of
Iraqi descent. He skipped school and snuck into Baghdad.
Snuck into Baghdad! Even Ferris Bueller is going, 'What
are you nuts?'" ~~ Jay Leno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your
sources." ~~ Albert Einstein.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"In Michigan, a company has developed a body armor
that they say can withstand a rocket propelled grenade.
They say it's perfect for soldiers in Baghdad or drivers
in Los Angeles." ~~ Jay Leno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Congressman Tom Delay, who has also been indicted, has
officially filed for re-election. Did you hear his campaign
slogan - give me two more years before the judge gives me
5-10." ~~ Jay Leno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man is lost in the desert. He used up the last of his
water three days ago and he's lying, gasping, on the sand,
when in the distance he suddenly hears a voice calling
"Mush! Mush!" Not trusting his ears he turns his head
and there it is again, closer this time -- "Mush! Mush!"

Propping himself up on one elbow he squints against
the sun and sees, of all things, an Eskimo in a fur coat
driving a sled with a team of huskies across the dunes.
Thinking that it's a hallucination, he blinks and shakes
his head, but it's for real! He painfully lifts one arm and
in a cracked voice calls, "He-elp!"

The Eskimo pulls the sled up by him, the huskies
panting in the heat, and he says to the Eskimo, "I don't
know what you're doing here, or why, but thank God
you are! I've been wandering around this desert for
days, my water's all gone and I'm completely lost!"

The perspiring Eskimo looks down at him and says,
"You think YOU'RE lost!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Writings On the Wall

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of
thinking.

All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.

Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?

Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm.

Don't argue with a fool.

The spectators can't tell the difference.

Don't believe everything you think.

Drugs cause amnesia and other things I can't remember.

Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.

Examine what is said, not who speaks.

Give a jackass an education and you get a smartass.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to
laugh.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted
paychecks.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people
wear earmuffs?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Top Ten Things Elvis Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10. "Turn on Regis -- I feel like some target practice"

9. "Wow, Canada really does offer great savings on
prescription drugs!"

8. "Why do I have to pay $35 to get into my own house?"

7. "From now on I want to be known as E. Diddy"

6. "Tell Cybill Shepherd to get her ass over here. The King
wants some lovin"

5. "Big Mac, 9-piece McNugget and do you have Whoppers
or is that the other guys?"

4. "Doctors don't know anything -- all cholesterol is "good"
cholesterol"

3. "John Wayne never would have made a cowboy movie"

2. "My daughter married who?"

1. "Sonny! Red! Get me out of this coffin!"

From the Late Show with David Letterman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Top Ten Signs You're On A Bad Diet

10. You're not allowed to eat during months with an
"R" in them.
9. You're told to replace food with crack.
8. Company sent you a fun house mirror to make you
look thinner.
7. It's a Dr. Phil diet and after 2 weeks you look exactly
like Dr. Phil.
6. You're sweating cottage cheese.
5. If you follow it faithfully, they promise you'll lose 2
pounds in the next 12 years.
4. You're only allowed to eat Ukrainian foods rich in dioxin.
3. Sure you'll lose weight, but you're also a foot shorter.
2. It's the Atkins Diet--the Chet Atkins diet.
1. You're ass has gone from Jennifer Lopez to Kirstie Alley.

From the Late Show with David Letterman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tech Support: What does the screen say now?
Person: It says "Hit ENTER when ready".
Tech Support: Well?
Person: How do I know when it's ready?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a high school science quiz, there was the question,
"When water becomes ice which of its physical properties
increases?" Everyone answered, "Its volume.."

Except one wise guy who wrote, "When water becomes
ice, its price increases."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Jewish man married a Chinese woman. Their marriage
was doing so well that they decided to have a baby. The
husband wanted the baby to have a name that epitomized
"Jewish people of today."

His wife wanted the baby to have a meaningful, Chinese
name. After much thought they chose to combine two
very meaningful names into one for their special boy.

They named him Cha-Ching.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Camping Tips

Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the
other ear, do not go into the woods alone.

A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an
excellent hockey puck.

You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican
food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.


In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness
by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the
elastic waistband of your underwear.

The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite
makes excellent kindling.

The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for genera-
tions. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely
nothing for the eagle.

It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a
winding mountain road behind a large motor home.

Effective January 1, 2005, you will actually have to enlist
in the Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife.

In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be
used to strangle a snoring tent-mate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A while back the inscription on the metal bands used by
the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds
has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of
the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated "Wash. Biol.
Surv." until the agency received the following letter from a
camper:

"Dear Sirs:
While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it
was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag
and I want to tell you it was horrible."

The bands are now marked "Fish and Wildlife Service".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR PASTOR IS ADDICTED TO COURT TV

10. The deacons required to wear Bailiff uniforms.

9. Quotes from the book of Judge Judy.

8. Every time he hears an amen, he bangs the gavel and
says, "You're out of order!"

7. At the end of the benediction says "....in His name,
we're adjourned."

6. Choir limited to 12 members and are now referred to
as "the jurors."

5. All hearts and minds don't necessarily have to be cleared
before approaching the bench (the altar).

4. He has the head deacon say "All Rise" when he enters
the sanctuary.

3. His sermons are no longer taped but rather typed by a
stenographer.

2. Uses a gavel to let folks know when their testimonies
are too long.

1. Instead of an invitation, he asks for closing arguments.

Posted From The Sermon Fodder List

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Security was tight down at Time Square [on New Year's
Eve]. No guns, no knives, no alcohol. You had to buy all
those items right there at Time Square.
~~ David Letterman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Davi for these amusing signs:

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
**************************
On another Septic Tank Truck:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
**************************
At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
**************************
At a Towing company: "
We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire
and take appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -
miss a car payment."
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry,
Come on in and get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

If you know someone who would enjoy my newsletter,
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Don't forget to check out my jewelry, vintage Avon,
collectibles, and other gift items on eBay!
http://stores.ebay.com/Jewelry-Avon-and-all-that-Jazz

Thanks and have a great week!

Copyright 2006 by Shane and Associates