Fun on the Web vol 4 Issue 46

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 4 Issue 46 November 21, 2005


Happy Thanksgiving! Don't eat too much this week. I have
included some fun things for the long weekend. New toys
(programs) to try on your PC and lots of online games.
They are down near the jokes. And don't forget the new
Thanksgiving page has the turkey hotlines and recipes.


Look out for viruses: Two new ones came across my desk
this week.

Thanks to Sheila for this warning:
VIRUS ALERT : Please Read
Information Security has raised the Virus alert level to
High due to increased prevalence of the
w32/sober.x.drvirus.
Characteristics for the virus include the following:
Subject line of the email: Password Confirmation
Body of email includes:
Your password has been changed successfully!
Your new password is packed and safe in the attachment

Note from me don't fall for it! Never open attachments
unless you are expecting them.

Beware! Yet another e-mail online postcard virus has
been launched. This time the unsuspecting user gets a
postcard from a “secret admirer” or other anonymous
source, and when the user follows the link in the email to
retrieve their “postcard,” what they really end up
retrieving is a virus (Dloader-UT Trojan.)

Dloader-UT in turn then downloads the Trojan virus
Dumaru-S which installs itself on your computer, allows
others remote access to your system, and records your
keystrokes! Dumaru-S is also known as
"Backdoor.Win32.Dumador.az."

Moral of the story: Do not open postcards from any secret
admirer or anonymous source.

SHOPPER ALERT Just in time for Black Friday see the article
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/17/business/17shop.html
about these website posting the Friday ads ahead of time:
http://www.BF2005.com
http://www.BlackFridayAds.com
http://www.Gottadeal.com

While we are saving money take a look at the blog about
eating in NYC for $20 a day (Rachael Ray eat your heart
out.) BTW he doesn't say EVOO or yummers. . . lol
http://twentyaday.blogspot.com/

For Milwaukeeans or anyone just passing through check
out the traffic info on the big construction here:
http://www.mchange.org/page.jsp?&key=tim


One of my favorite writers for Encarta came up with this
one "The Pilgrims Watched Football (and Other
Thanksgiving Myths)"
http://encarta.msn.com/column_thanksgivingmyths_marthahome/The_Pilgrims_watched_football_(and_other_Thanksgiving_myths).html

My new Thanksgiving Page is up with all the Turkey
Hot Lines, Tips, Recipes for the big day and leftovers,
plus Crafts for all ages. Check it out:
http://bluesbaby.8k.com/THANKSGIVING.html

A Thanksgiving card from Erin:
TURN SPEAKERS ON. CLICK ON SITE BELOW.
This is a little early but wanted to get this greeting to
you before you bought the turkey. Click on site below:
http://www.msn.americangreetings.com/view.pd?i=382219626&m=1652&rr=y&sou


Does your local paper have great recipes for those turkey
leftovers? Send them to me: either cut and paste to email
or send a link and I will get them online just as we all run
out of ideas for one more turkey meal.
http://www.jsonline.com/entree/cooking/nov05/370799.asp

Whole Foods Market Holiday Guide
http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/recipes/list_holidays.html

Demos and recipe collections from the Food Network
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/ck_encyclopedia

Don't forget that many of your favorite brands support
large recipe collections for any occasion:
http://www.pillsbury.com/default.asp
http://www.kraftfoods.com/kf
http://www.bettycrocker.com/
http://www.delmonte.com/Recipes/

This links to many of the current brand names websites
by type of food:
http://www.angelfire.com/ab/NeedARecipeCallMom/famousbrandsintro.html

There are also great brand name back of the box sites like:
http://www.backofthebox.com/
http://www.favoritebrandrecipes.com/
http://www.topsecretrecipes.com/home.asp
http://recipes.robbiehaf.com/Copycat.html
http://dmoz.org/Home/Cooking/Brand_Name_Recipes/
http://www.recipegoldmine.com/namebrand/namebrand.html

What's happening in New Orleans from Time Magazine
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1132780,00.html


Here you can find hundreds of campfire songs. Songs are
arranged in 5 main sections with two extra 'Songbooks'.
http://www.scoutingresources.org.uk/song_index.html


Hmm it seems Mom was right after all, "being cold can
make you catch a cold".
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/4433496.stm


Scroll down for a free dream dictionary chart:
http://www.dreamloverinc.com/dictionary1.htm

An International website featuring up to date 2005
worldwide Internet Usage, the Population Statistics and
Market Data, for over 233 countries and world regions.
http://www.internetworldstats.com/



What's new on Google:
http://google.blogspace.com/


From Yahoo: a directory of recently updated blogs
and tools for tracking interesting weblogs. Here are
the top 20 or make your own list to track:
http://www.blo.gs/most-watched.php


Should this be retitled whiners unite?
http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/365414p-311067c.html


The person responsible for solving the Black Dahlia
Murder/Riddle spent 30 years working for the US
Government as a mathematician and garnered
considerable experience in decryption. Although
justice can never be served on the man who
committed this heinous crime, it is the author's
hope that the information revealed in this site will
allow the Black Dahlia to finally rest in peace.
http://blackdahliasolution.org/index.htm


This blog is publishing Bram Stoker's Dracula over a
period of six months that started in May.
http://infocult.typepad.com/dracula/about_this_blog_project/index.html


Tips and Tools to make life easier
http://www.davidco.com/tips_tools.php
http://www.43folders.com/
http://wiki.43folders.com/index.php/Unsorted_life_hacks
http://www.philb.com/iwantto.htm
http://sniptools.com/
http://www.pxn8.com/ photo tools
http://www.23hq.com/ photo sharing
http://www.lise.jp/honyaku/noguchi.html filing
http://www.konfabulator.com/ widgets
http://www.eprompter.com/ check multiple emails
http://www.nutritiondata.com/index.html

Make your own homepage (very easy)
http://www.protopage.com/


Shefinds tells you what the trends are and where to get a
deal with a link in their newsletter. They also find online
coupons if they exist. Or see the blog:
http://www.shefinds.com/blog/


Fun stuff - great illusion
http://www.patmedia.net/marklevinson/cool/cool_illusion.html

Calvin and Hobbs Snow Art Collection
http://www.angelfire.com/wa/zzaran/calvin.html

MC Escher in Lego???
http://3quarksdaily.blogs.com/3quarksdaily/2004/09/mc_eschers_rela.html

Wow this looks like it hurt:
http://indyskate.com/kickpopmike2.gif

Scott Adams blog on this and that:
http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/

The 100 Oldest Dot Coms
http://www.jottings.com/100-oldest-dot-com-domains.htm

100 ways to make them crazy while ordering a pizza
http://www.fortunecity.com/meltingpot/cranley/931/pizza.htm

Cartoons and comics
http://www.time.com/time/cartoons/20051118/
http://www.salon.com/comics/index.html?x
http://www.ucomics.com/
http://www.comics.com/
http://members.comics.com/categories/index.html
http://www.worldfamouscomics.com/comics/
http://www.keenspot.com/
http://www.sunncity.com/Cartoon.html
http://www.downloadfreetv.com/index.php?p=42



Games to play online (free)
http://www.addictinggames.com/index.html
http://www.miniclip.com/thunderplunder/thunder.htm
http://www.123games.dk/

Now I'm not sure how I got here but for heaven sake don't
Google "West Wing game" it's just too scarey!
http://www.bravotv.com/The_West_Wing/Concentration.shtml

And last but not least the Rachael Ray Drinking Game:
http://www.slobak.com/rachaelray.html

On to the chuckles:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey.
~~ Thomas A. Edison (1847-1931) American Inventor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Don't drink and cook either."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The days are too short even for love; how can there be
enough time for quarreling?" ~~ Margaret Gatty

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and
then doesn't hurt! ~~ Lucy, Peanuts

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hearing is one of the body's five senses. But listening is
an art." ~~ Frank Tyger

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
~~ Beverly Sills (1929-) American Opera Singer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Here's some sad news. Martha Stewart's "Apprentice"
show has been cancelled. It's the same old story...hard to
get a job when you're an ex-con." ~~ Dave Letterman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

True Stories from the BUTTERBALL Turkey Hotline,
where people call to get advice on how to cook a Turkey
from the experts

* Thanksgiving Dinner on the run. A woman called to
find out how long it would take to roast her turkey.
To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist
asked how much the bird weighed.

The woman responded, "I don't know, it's still running
around outside."

* Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving
just isn't Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner
in California wanted to know how to roast a turkey for a
vegetarian menu

* Then there's the time a lady was picking through the
frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one
big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these
turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Baby Bruno was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen,
watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal."What
are you doing?" Bruno asked.

"Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey," his grandmother replied.

"That's cool!" Bruno said. "Are you going to hang it next to
the deer?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The Silver Lining to the Burning Question "You Burnt
the Bird?" A Dozen Reasons to Be Thankful!

Salmonella won't be a concern
No one will overeat.
Everyone will think it's Cajun Blackened.
Uninvited guests will think twice next year.
Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newly
found appreciation.
Pets won't pester you for scraps.
The smoke alarm was due for a test.
Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout.
After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and play
football.
The less turkey Uncle George eats, the less likely he will be
to walk around with his pants unbuttoned.
You'll get to the desserts quicker.
You won't have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Martha's not coming this year.

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.
I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised.

Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small
changes:Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade,
paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that
no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks
do not have the desired welcoming effect.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens,
fancy china or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes
that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS
Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter
Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and
flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a
hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest
construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain
you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share
every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving,
pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most
of these comments were made at 5:00 AM upon discovering
that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a
recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention
that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that
tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in
a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to
announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep
our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal
seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please
gather around the table and sit where you like.

In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a
separate table. In a separate room. Next door.

Now I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving
a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This
will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the
turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress
"private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter
the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting
children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife.
The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will
eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering
a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will
be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with
whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have
a choice: take it or leave it.

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.
She probably won't come next year either.

I am thankful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Signs the Person Answering the Butterball Turkey Hotline
is Nuts" from DAVID LETTERMAN

10) Starts out by asking, "What are you wearing?"
9)Keeps referring to product called "Vicks Vap-O-Gravy"
8)Recommends thawing the turkey in your pants
7)Wants you to look inside the turkey for contact lens he
lost at the processing plant
6)When you ask, "How often should I baste it?" he says,
"Are we still talking about the turkey?"
5)Tells you that when the timer pops up, you have ten
seconds before the damn thing explodes
4)Insists you cook turkey at six degrees for 450 hours
3)Keeps interrupting to ask if you're planning to eat the
bird or wear it as a hat
2)Claims to have sailed from New York to the Bahamas
in a gravy boat and the number 1 reason . . .
He tells you to go stuff yourself

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A large dog walks into a butcher shop, carrying a purse in
its mouth. He puts the purse down and sits in front of the
meat case.

"What is it, boy?" the butcher jokingly asks. "Want to buy
some meat?"

"Woof!" barks the dog.

"Hmm," says the butcher. "What kind? Liver, bacon, steak..."

"Woof!" interrupts the dog.

"And how much steak? Half a pound, one pound..."

"Woof!" signals the dog.

The amazed butcher wraps up the meat and finds the money
in the dog's purse. As the dog leaves, the butcher decides to
follow. The dog enters an apartment house, climbs to the 3rd
floor, and begins scratching at a door. With that, the door
swings open and an angry man starts shouting at the dog.

"Stop!" yells the butcher. "He's the most intelligent animal
I've ever seen!"

"Intelligent?" counters the man. "This is the third time this
week he's forgotten his key!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a tour of Alaska, the Pope went to the mountains for
some sight seeing. Suddenly there was a frantic commotion
just at the edge of the woods. An environmentalist wearing
a "Save the Whales" T-shirt was struggling frantically,
trying to free himself from the jaws of a 10 foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of loggers came
racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's
chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding
semiconscious Democrat from the bear. Then they threw
the bear on the bed of their pickup truck and placed the
injured Democrat in the back seat.

The Pope said to the loggers, "Bless you for your brave
actions! I heard there was a bitter hatred between loggers
and environmental activists, but now I've seen with my
own eyes that love overcomes differences."

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers said, "That was
the Pope. He has access to all God's wisdom."

Another logger said, "He may have access to all God's
wisdom but he sure doesn't know anything about bear
hunting.... By the way, is the bait holding up OK or do
we need to go back to town and grab another one?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Famous Quotes - They wish they never said

"Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future
scientific advances."-- Dr. DeForest, Inventor ofTV

"There is no likehood man can ever tap the power of the
atom." -- Robert Millikan, Nobel Prize in Physics, 1923

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
-- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of
science, 1949

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country
and talked with the best people, and I can assure you
that data processing is a fad that won't last out the
year." -- The editor in charge of business books for
Prentice Hall, 1957

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
-- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between
action and reaction and the need to have something better
than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack
the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools."
-- 1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's
revolutionary rocket work.

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try
and find oil? You're crazy." -- Drillers who Edwin L.
Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil
in 1859.

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently
high plateau." -- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics,
Yale University, 1929.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
-- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole
Superieure de Guerre.

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction".
-- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be
shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon".
-- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed
Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.

"The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in
explosive." -- Admiral William Leahy, U.S. Atomic Bomb
Project

"I think there is a world market for maybe five
computers." -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"But what is it good for?" -- Engineer at the Advanced
Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting
on the microchip.

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in
their home." -- Ken Olson, president, chairman and
founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be
seriously considered as a means of communication. The
device is inherently of no value to us."-- Western Union
internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial
value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in
particular?" -- David Sarnoff's associates in response to
his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order
to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible." -
- A Yale University management professor in response to
Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery
service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" -- H.M. Warner,
Warner Brothers, 1927.

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his
face and not Gary Cooper." -- Gary Cooper on his decision
not to take the leading role in Gone With The Wind."

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market
research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not
soft and chewy cookies like you make."-- Response to
Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way
out." -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the
experiment. The literature was full of examples that said
you can't do this." -- Spencer Silver on the work that led
to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing
thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you
think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just
want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.'

And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard,
and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got
through college yet.'"-- Apple Computer Inc. founder
Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested
in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle develop-
ment across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just
a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle
development as an unalterable condition of weight training."
-- Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable"
problem by inventing Nautilus.

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
-- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents,
1899.

"640K ought to be enough memory for anybody."
-- Bill Gates, 1981

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How to Handle Stress

Pay your Mastercard with your VISA

Drive to work in reverse

Pop some popcorn without the lid on

When someone says "have a nice day" tell them you have
other plans

Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze
them out

Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like

During your next meeting, sneeze, and then loudly suck
the phlegm back down your throat

Forget the things you have to do. Make a list of things
you've already done

Dance naked in front of your pets

Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in them. Return
them the next day

Thumb through National Geographic and draw under-
wear on the natives

Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal
messages

Start a nasty rumour and see if you recognize it when it
gets back to you

Bill your doctor for the time you spent in his waiting room

Buy a box of condoms and while standing in line at the
checkout, ask where the fitting rooms are

Dress your toddler with his clothes on backwards, then
send him off to preschool as if nothing were wrong

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Erin for The Plan!
You gotta love Robin Williams...... Even if he's nuts!
Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect
plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to
stand up and repeat this message. Robin Williams' plan...
(Hard to argue with this logic!)

"I see a lot of people yelling for peace
but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan."

1) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference"
in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini,
Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those
'good ole boys', we will never "interfere" again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world,
starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and
the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station
troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through
holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together
and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days
the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately,
regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!!
France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and then
limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one
from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like
it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum
would never be available to anyone. We don't need any
more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are
the bombers. If they don't attend classes, or they get a
"D" and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient
energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources
of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the
Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10
a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go some place
else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production.
(About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would
be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the
world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or
whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need.
Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to
the army. The people who need it most get very little, if
anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some
place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends
here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless
shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school.
That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.
The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...
Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your
tired, your poor, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball
bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' "

If you agree with the above forward it to friends...If not,
(and I would be amazed) DELETE it!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to my sister for these BUMPER STICKERS
Good to the last one!!!

"IF YOU CAN'T FEED EM, DON'T BREED EM!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Illiterate? Write For Help.
~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honk If Anything Falls Off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He Who Hesitates Not Only Is Lost,
But is Miles From The Next Exit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits
With An UnarmedPerson.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph
Also Are Timed For 70 mph
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guys: No Shirt, No Service
Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My
Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ax Me About Ebonics.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Body By Nautilus;
Brain By Mattel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boldly Going Nowhere.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heart Attacks:
God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car
Window.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He
Admits He is Lost?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GROW YOUR OWN DOPE -- PLANT A MAN.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And Lastly: "POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED
TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

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