Fun on the Web vol 4 Issue 19

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 4 Issue 19 May 16, 2005




It seems that just before I left on vacation Dave Chapelle
left the country. Despite the rumors, he is lucid and
telling why in this interview with Time:
http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1061415,00.html

Another news compilation source to speed your news
reading time even further:
http://www.newsbleed.com/

This site intelligently reads hundreds of web pages
from search results and extracts short and concise
answers to your question.
http://www.brainboost.com/

Explore the last frontiers: sea and sky
http://seasky.org/

For the kids or for the kid in all of us a dinosaur that
looks like a fairy tale dragon:
http://www.childrensmuseum.org/new_content/promo/new_promo2.html

Great site for doing those pesky conversions: length,
weight, area, or temperature:
http://www.asknumbers.com/

More on weights and measures
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/cdkaese/home.htm

Pick a word and find the rhymes, synonyms, antonyms,
or sound a likes; all that would be cool enough, but you
can even find pics to go with your word here:
http://www.rhymezone.com/

DifficultWords dictionary - limited in scope but worthwhile
http://www.difficultwords.info/


All about first names: origins, popularity, history, names
for twins, name translations, name days and much more.
http://www.behindthename.com/

Interactive world map:
http://www.find-our-community.net/

Great shopping ahead:
http://www.torrid.com/ cute clothes for big girls
http://www.davidandgoliathtees.com/index.php
http://www.cooking.com
http://www.containerstore.com
http://www.improvementscatalog.com

While I think of it, did you ever have a great idea
and then wonder if you could patent it? Do a search
here to see if someone got there first or just look at
the crazy patent section for a laugh.
http://www.freepatentsonline.com/index.html

Get more organized to free up time for fun this summer
http://www.onlineorganizing.com/ExpertAdviceToolbox.asp


Lots and lots of quizzes
http://www.blogthings.com/quizzes.html

This picture hoax or fact quiz came from Mike
http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/4462/real_or_hoax1.swf


Mike also reminded me there will be blues and fun in the
sun May 21 & 22 at Pere Marquette Park. This event
has little coverage on the web that I can find but will provide
music from 11 to 11 Saturday with the headliner Jimmy
Dawkins followed by a jam and on Sunday music will be
from noon to 6pm with our good friends the Reverend
Raven and the Chain Smokin' Altar Boys playing later
in the day
http://www.experienceart.info/index.php?n=Venues.PereMarquettePark

Other nearby venues in Milwaukee for this event
http://www.experienceart.info/index.php?n=Main.Schedule

If you are a gamer you will want to peek here:
http://www.creativeuncut.com/cat03.html

More fun with the Mexican name generator:
http://www.blogthings.com/mexicannamegenerator/

One more . . . "You know you are addicted when . . ."
http://www.blogthings.com/addicted.html

On to the chuckles:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When will the rhetorical questions all end? "
~~ George Carlin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Tradition is what you get when you don't have the
time or the money to do it right."
~~ Kurt Herbert Adler (1905-1988)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You know, in a way, I feel for this runaway bride. I
once put my name on the list at Applebee's, then
changed my mind, panicked, and hid behind a
Goodwill drop box for a week." ~~ Dennis Miller

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Arnold Schwarzenegger's approval ratings in California
have gone down to Gray Davis levels. I saw a bumper
sticker on the way to work today that said 'Don't blame
me I voted for Gary Coleman.'" ~~ Bill Maher

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I've been studying up on some of my Las Vegas facts -
did you know, on the average, 151 people get married
every day in Las Vegas. One hundred and fifty-one.
You know, shouldn't that be an even number? Maybe
I'm wrong." ~~ Jay Leno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things You Won't See On Hallmark Cards
OUTSIDE: As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
INSIDE: That you're not here to ruin it for me.

OUTSIDE: If I get only one thing for Christmas...
INSIDE: I hope it's your sister.

OUTSIDE: I've always wanted to have someone to hold,
someone to love.
INSIDE: After having met you, I've changed my mind.

OUTSIDE: I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
INSIDE: I never believed in hell 'til I met you.

OUTSIDE: Looking back over the years that we've been
together, I can't help but wonder...
INSIDE: What the fuck was I thinking?

OUTSIDE: I always wanted to be rich, powerful and well-
respected.
INSIDE: And while I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so
damn ugly.

OUTSIDE: Sex with you is like using drugs:
INSIDE: Lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid enough
to admit it.

OUTSIDE: When we were together, you always said you'd
die for me.
INSIDE: Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you
kept your promise.

OUTSIDE: The holidays are a great time to be with family.
INSIDE: Of course, your family won't be with you, since
I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you
cheating bastard!

OUTSIDE: I'm so miserable without you...
INSIDE: It's almost like you're here.

OUTSIDE: If you ever need a friend...
INSIDE: Buy a dog.

OUTSIDE: Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
INSIDE: Did you ever find out who the father was?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Real Meanings of Medical Terms
Anti-body - Against everyone.
Artery - The study of fine paintings.
Bacteria - The back door of a cafeteria.
Barium - What you do after CPR fails.
Benign - What you are after you be eight and before
you be ten.
Bowel - A letter like A,E,I,O,U, and sometimes Y
Cesaerean section - A district in Rome.
Cardiac arrest - Taken into custody after stealing a
coupe deville.
Cardiology - Advance study of poker playing.
CAT Scan - Searching for the kitty.
Cauterize - To make eye contact with a woman.
Charlie Horse - A 10 to 1 long shot in the Kentucky Derby.
Colic - A sheep dog.
Coma - A punctuation mark.
Congenital - Friendly
D&C; - Where Washington is.
Dilate - To live long.
Enema - Not a friend.
Fester - Uncle.
Fibula - A small white lie.
Genes - What you wear cutting grass.
Genital - Not a Jew.
G.I. Series - A baseball game between teams of soldiers.
Hangnail - A coat hook.
Hemorrhoid - A male alien from outerspace.
Herpes - What a woman does when we stop at a rest area.
Hormones - What a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid.
Impotent - Distinguished, well known.
Labor pain - Getting hurt at work.
Medical staff - A doctor's cane.
Minor operation - Coal digging.
Morbid - A higher offer.
Nitrates - Cheaper than the day rates.
Node - Was aware of.
Organic - An organ work repairman.
Outpatient - A patient who has fainted.
Pap smear - A fatherhood test.
Paralyze - Two far fetched stories.
Pelvis - A cousin of Elvis.
Pharmacist - A person who makes living in agriculture.
Post-operative - A letter carrier.
Protein - In favor of young people.
Recovery room - Where they do upholstery.
Rectum - Dang near killed 'em.
Scalpel - What you stand on to clean windows in high rise
buildings.
Secretion - Hiding something.
Seizure - A Roman emperor.
Tablet - A small table.
Terminal illness - Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor - An extra pair.
Urine - The opposite of "you are out".
Vericose - Nearby.
Vein - Conceited.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed
a desire to become a "great writer." When asked to define
"great," this is what he said: "I want to write material that
the whole world will read, material that people will react
to on a truly emotional level, material that will make them
scream, cry, wail, and howl in pain, desperation and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my
girlfriend's father, who I believe suspected me of wanting
to place my hands on his daughter's chest. He would open
the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murd-
erous expression, holding out a handshake that, when
gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds.

Now, years later, it is my turn to be the dad. Remembering
how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my
dates, I do my best to make my daughter's suitors feel
even worse. My motto: wilt them in the living room and
they'll stay wilted all night.

"So," I'll call out jovially. "I see you have your nose pierced.
Is that because you're stupid, or did you merely want to
APPEAR stupid?"

As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into
two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room.

Rule One - If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd
better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck
not picking anything up.

Rule Two - You do not touch my daughter in front of me.
You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at any-
thing below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or
hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three - I am aware that it is considered fashionable
for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that
they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take
this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are
complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded
about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may
come to the door with your underwear showing and your
pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In
order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off
during the course of your date with my daughter, I will
take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers
securely in place around your waist.

Rule Four - I'm sure you've been told that in today's
world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some
kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex,
I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.

Rule Five - In order for us to get to know each other, we
should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the
day. Please do not do this. The only information I require
from you is an indication of when you expect to have my
daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I
need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six - I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with
many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with
me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise,
once you have gone out with my little girl, you will
continue to date no one but her until she is finished with
you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.

Rule Seven - As you stand in my front hallway, waiting
for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes
by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for
the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is
putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer
than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just
standing there, why don't you do something useful, like
changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight - The following places are not appropriate for
a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds,
sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places
lacking parents, policemen, or nuns. Places where there
is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands,
or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is
warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank
tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a
sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her chin.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be
avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.
Hockey games are okay.

My daughter claims it embarrasses her to come downstairs
and find me attempting to get her date to recite these eight
simple rules from memory. I'd be embarrassed too! There
are only eight of them, for crying out loud!

And, for the record, I did NOT suggest to any one of these
cretins that I'd have these rules tattooed on his arm if he
couldn't remember them. (I checked into it and the cost is
prohibitive.) I merely told him that I thought writing the
rules on his arm with a ball point might be inadequate
(-ink washes off-) and that my wood burning set was
probably a better alternative.

One time, when my wife caught me having one of my
daughter's would-be suitors practice pulling into the
driveway, get out of the car, and go up to knock on the
front door (he had violated rule number one, so I figured
he needed to run through the drill a few dozen times) she
asked me why I was being so hard on the boy. "Don't you
remember being that age?" she challenged.

Of course I remember. Why do you think I came up with
the eight simple rules?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Depending on where someone is from and where they
are driving you can make some assumptions about their
driving styles and etiquette...

Chicago: One hand on wheel, one hand on horn.

New York: One hand on wheel, one finger out window.

New Jersey: One hand on wheel, one finger out window,
cutting across all lanes of traffic.

Boston: One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot
solidly on accelerator.

Scarborough, Ontario: Both hands clenched on steering
wheel, driver staring directly forward, cutting in front of
you and slowing down to 40 in a 60 zone then looking in
rearview mirror in wonder as to why the car behind is
flashing high beams.

Los Angeles: One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat
double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on
accelerator with gun in lap.

Ohio, but driving in California: Both hands on wheel,
eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror.

Italy: Both hands in air and gesturing, both feet on
accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back
seat.

Seattle: One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling
cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game.

Texas: One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle,
alternating between both feet being on the accelerator
and both feet on the brake, throwing a McDonald's bag
out the window.

West Virginia: Four-wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun
mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel
tails attached to antenna.

Florida: Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely
visible above window level, driving 35 on the Interstate
in the left lane with the left blinker on.

Edmonton: One gloved hand on wheel, one hand on heater,
feet up underneath bum to keep warm, 3 differently
decorated ice scrapers, one plastic, broken; one steel,
broken; one pastel, hidden in trunk; neither foot on
accelerator or brakes because with all the ice on the
roads, you're all moving at the same speed either way.

Dubuque, Iowa: no use of turn signal, or left on for 26
blocks...also cradling cheap cell phone.

Maine: Beat up 1983 Dodge Ram pick-up truck, right
hand holding a Dunkin Donuts coffee, cigarette dangling
from mouth, greasy hair shoved underneath an oil stained
cap and classic rock blaring from the radio.

Vancouver: Canadian beer in one hand, B.C. Weed in the
other. Knee on the steering wheel.

Pennsylvania: Both hands on reigns.

California: (Bay Area / Silicon Valley) One hand on laptop
computer, one hand at on-board navigation/Internet console
installed in dash board, cell phone attached to head with
microphone earpiece, having a executive meeting with half a
dozen people on speaker phone, palm pilot wedged between
knees to observe up to date stock quotes, and shoes kicked
off, and feet crossed because traffic hasn't moved in the past
hour.

Montana: One finger on steering wheel of jacked up 4x4,
Charlie Daniels blaring from speakers, dead coyote in back,
hay blowing out of bed while going down the highway.

Nebraska: Two hands on wheel, with head lodged up ass,
chunks of rust falling off by the pound.

Quebec: engaged in heated political discussion with espresso
in one hand and croissant in the other, aiming for pedestrians
who have the mistaken notion that crosswalks are for them.

Michigan: Both hands on wheel and head up ass.

Toronto: Both hands on the wheel, seat as far forward as
possible, head fixed only looking forward, ignoring people
behind and beside you, stopping and waiting for the road to
fully clear before making any forward progress.

Los Angeles: Lowered Honda, can't see over dash, driving
too fast or too slow, car sounds like a bee as it goes by.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jocks Vs Nerds
$ Michael Jordan having "retired," with $40 million in
endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.

$ If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every
night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.

$ If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll
make $18,550 while he's there.

$ If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he'll make $618
while boiling it.

$ He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.

$ He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.

$ If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000),
it would take him a whole 12 hours.

$ If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement
money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every
second.

$ He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf,
but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.

$ Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his
income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions
will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.

$ If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made,
you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.

$ He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter
dash in the Olympics and about $15,600 during the Boston
Marathon.

$ While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal
in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600.

$ This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S.
past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing
isn't it?

However...
$ If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450
years, he'll still have less than Bill Gates has today.

$$$ Game over.

Nerd wins.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mint Flavored Birth Control Pill: The Cadbury's Candy
Co. and Merck Drug Co. have combined to market the
new Mint flavored birth control pill that women may
take immediately before sex. The Pill to be distributed
by the large major drug store chains and Wal-Mart's
Pharmacies will be called....

"Pre-dick-a-mints."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Think About It!
* Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables
you to look for it in more places.
* Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong,
but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.
* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and
narrowness of the waist change places.
* Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make
great ancestors.
* Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it
the rest of your life.
* The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody
has the same size bucket.
* When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can
bet you're in a public restroom.
* Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
* The real reason you can't take it with you is that
it goes before you do.
* Junk is something you throw away three weeks
before you need it.
* Hospitality is making your guests feel at home,
even if you wish they were.
* A closed mouth gathers no feet.
* A man (or woman) who can smile when things go
wrong has found someone to blame it on.
* A modern pioneer is a woman who can get through
a rainy Saturday with a television on the blink.
* The world is full of willing people: some willing to
work and some willing to let them.
* Money isn't everything....there's credit cards, money
orders, and travelers checks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf! All I
have to do is mention it to my husband and he says,
"Let's eat out!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a
convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the
priest's much-loved roses.

"Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease
peculiar to this area known as the black death."

"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to
increase his garden knowledge.

"Nuns with scissors."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For Those who Reed and Right
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
Let's face! it! - English is a crazy language.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aimara, a Mexican maid announced to her Boss Mr
Blanco and his wife that she was quitting. When asked
why, she replied, "I'm in the family way."

The wife was totally surprised and shocked, and asked
who the father could be.

The maid replied, "Your husband and your son."

Mrs. Blanco was mortified and demanded an explanation.

"Well," Aimara explained, "I go to the library to clean it
and your husband say, 'You are in the way'. I go to the
living room to clean and your son say 'You are in my way'.
So I'm in the family way and I quit."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kid's Letters to President Bush
[From a book by Bill Adler]
* Dear Mr. President: How much money does the
president make? Could you please write and tell me
because if it isn't enough money then I will become a
dentist. --Timoth U., age 7 Jamestown, NY
*
When will we have a woman president? I am ready.
--Brooke A, age 10 Peoria, IL
*
Do you have any friends in Congress? My mom says
your only friend is the vice-president. --Richard D.,
age 8 Greenwich, CT
*
Someday I hope there will be a woman president. But
not my sister. She will drive everybody crazy----the
Democrats and Republicans. --A citizen, Lawrence K.,
age 8 Atlanta, GA
*
What is your favorite book? My mom said it is the Bible
because you have to pray a lot. --Kimberly W., age 8,
Meriden, CT
*
Dear President Bush: Can you help with the weather
in Seattle? It rains too much. My mom said not even
the president can do anything about the weather. I
hope she is wrong. We need more sunshine in Seattle.
--Elizabeth P., age 8 Seattle WA
*
What does Congress do all day? My dad told me that
Congress doesn't do anything but make trouble.
--Ralph N., Palm Beach, FL
*
What does the vice president do all day? I have asked
a lot of grownups and nobody knows the answer.
--Shannon D., age 8 Bismarck, ND
*
I think you won the election because you were a better
speaker even if a lot of people didn't know what you were
talking about. --Tracey O., age 10 Green Valley, AZ
*
My girlfriend Betsy and I would like to get married in
the White House when we get married someday. We
will be married in 20 years. --Peter N., age 7
Bismarck, ND
*
Dear President Bush: What size shoes do you wear?
My grandfather died last month and he left a lot of
shoes and my brother and I would like to send you
and the vice-president a pair of shoes. Do you like
brown shoes or black shoes? We will shine the shoes
before we send them to you. --Joey P., age 8 Erie, PA
*
On TV you didn't answer some questions because
you said the answer was classified. Can I classify my
answers? I got into trouble when I admitted I broke
something I shouldn't have touched. If I could say the
answer is classified, I wouldn't be in trouble.
--Martin J., age 9 Philadelphia, PA
*
Dear Mr. President: My girlfriend is a Republican
and I am a Democrat. Someday we may get married.
Can a Democrat marry a Republican and be happy?
I am 12 and my girlfriend is 11. We would like your
answer before we are 18. --Ryan C., age 12
Philadelphia, PA
*
Someday if we have a woman president we will need
more closets in the White House so the president will
have room for all her clothes. My mom has 3 closets
and my sister has two closets and my dad and my
brother and I have to share closets. --Michael P.,
age 8 San Diego, CA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Things That Will Make You Crazy"
I found myself nodding my head at more than one of
the things on this list...
*
You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid
little plastic thing in the middle of them.
*
The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on
or off.
*
There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing
down to find an address.
*
You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
*
The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never
works for you.
*
You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
*
Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying
to get a reading.
*
There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop
out of the tray.
*
You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and
your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
*
You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm
instead of 7am.
*
The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
*
You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom
doorknob to get out.
*
You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the
dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
*
You have to inform five different sales people in the
same store that you're just browsing., but then when
you need them they have all disappeared.
*
You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and
now you can't find it.
*
You reach under the table to pick something off the
floor and smash your head on the way up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lastly, "Probation officials in New York are reportedly
examining whether Martha Stewart violated the terms
of her house arrest by attending a lavish party here in
Manhattan last week. Stewart is now trying to solve
the problem, by paying to have Manhattan moved
within 25 feet of her home." ~~ Dennis Miller

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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