Fun on the Web vol 4 Issue 17

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 4 Issue 17 May 2, 2005


Before I forget, I am leaving for the east coast so that
means next week's issue will come out later in that
week (that is after I am back home and get to finish it) .

Thanks to Erin for this wacko news (shades of the swiss
army knife debacle we had with the school)
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/burrito_lockdown


And from Mike Deja Vu all over again ;-)
http://www.clublaugh.com/es-items/712.swf

And also thanks to Erin for this inspirational link:
http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/windowmovie.html

Darn I missed it again this year, the YoYo Convention
http://www.topmuseum.org/subpage.html1.html

Speaking of Burlington, the Chocolate Fest has been moved
to Memorial Day weekend so that means 4 whole DAYS of
chocolate! Singing, dancing, juggling, fireworks, gun spinning,
win your weight in chocolate, even a chocolate eating contest!
http://www.chocolatefest.com/

Wow do I have great stuff this week! It all started with
a visit to this family webpage (which is a great example
with the exception of lack of organization, no site index,
and no navigation tools but still it shows what can be
covered in a family web page).
http://rhp.detmich.com/


Start getting your news, unfiltered and across the web's
biggest variety of sources. It's free!
http://crayon.net/

Target redesigns the pill bottle
http://apnews.excite.com/article/20050426/D89MQBN00.html

If you are hungry in NY State or Tempe, AZ you might
want to check out Teds:
http://www.tedsonline.com/locations.php

But of course being hungry here in WI I would send you to
Kopp's for burgers and custard (no hot dogs) but you can
also order custard online (For those outside the area, custard
is premium ice cream with a high butterfat content and so
good that we have stands to get it all over around here.)
http://www.kopps.com/

It's not just in Wisconsin, but we have more than our share.
Most custard stands have food of some type, mostly burgers
and or dogs but some have more extensive menus.
http://www.custardlist.com/stands/


Online sand art (you draw with your cursor), Spin Art,
Slot car game, Number Game, Word Search, Plant a
Cyber Flower Garden, and much more.
http://detmich.com/

Being Celtic in Background I have always been facinated
by Tartan and other things Celtic
http://rhp.detmich.com/tartan.html

Fun Frog pic
http://rhp.detmich.com/frog.html

Party Food delivered to your door
https://www.buffalofoods.com/home.htm
http://www.villagebakeshoppe.com/

Gamer sites
http://www.wzrd.com/gaming/gaming.html

Play games online:
http://www.leedungarees.com/emulander/
http://www.lookandfeel.com/spring2002/
http://www.makaimedia.com/?f=1
http://www.yetisports.org/
http://www.midasplayer.com/?language=en

Never did figure out how to pick up the yoyos
http://www.yo-yo.com/sweepstakes/

Comics and puzzles (free subscription needed)
http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/entertainment/comics/

Have you ever seen the flyguy?
http://www.trevorvanmeter.com/flyguy/


Like to watch webcams? This is a collection of them:
http://www3.wzrd.com/bobstoy2/cams.htm

Alcohol without Liquid
http://www.awolmachine.com/

Dysfunctional family letter generator
http://www.drchinese.com/letter.html

LMAO this site is about aluminum foil deflector beanies
http://zapatopi.net/afdb.html

Thyle's Advanced D & D
http://www.wzrd.com/home/thyle/

On a more serious note, need homework helpers?
http://www.e-tutor.com/et100/html/primary_grades.htm
http://www.e-tutor.com/et100/html/K12_resources.htm
http://www.e-tutor.com/et100/html/library_resources.htm
http://mathforum.org/dr.math/
http://www.kidscomjr.com/home_flash.html Games
http://www.e-tutor.com/

And of course when you have a school project check here
for some great ideas:
http://www.crayola.com/

Play paper dolls online
http://www.mimi.online.pt/

Over 100 free MP3 downloads of Simpson music
http://www.simpsoncrazy.com/downloads/music.shtml

BookCrossing is about letting go and letting your book find its
own way in the world. All you can do is to make sure that you
have prepared it for its adventure —
http://www.bookcrossing.com/

Some amazing photos of Southern Black history
http://www.cals.lib.ar.us/butlercenter/abho/photos/

The free encyclopedia offers a history of Milwaukee.
Try it for your own city or state.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milwaukee

You may want to check out her Spam Articles (just
scroll down)
http://www.spamhuntress.com/

If you are headed off to the airport (as I am in 2 days)
don't read this but if not you may be interested in this
site for pilots to anonomously report mistakes so others
can learn from them.
http://asrs.arc.nasa.gov/callback.htm


On with the chuckles:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't
include malignant tumors." ~~George Carlin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Here's how to get rid of counterfeit money: Put it in
the collection plate at church." ~~George Carlin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Half of the world's misery comes from ignorance. The
other half comes from intelligence." ~~Bonar Thompson

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Bumper Stickers
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
Illiterate? Write For Help.
Honk If Anything Falls Off.
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From
The Next Exit.
You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)...If You Can Read This,
Please Flip Me Back Over...
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My
Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
Boldly Going Nowhere.
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He
Admits He is Lost?

AND THE GREATEST BUMPER STICKER EVER:
"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE
CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These two Scottish characters are chatting. One of them
then pulls out an expensive looking pocket watch from
his pocket to check the time.

"That's a fine watch you got there!" says the other.

"Yeah it is, isn't it? I got it from my grandfather," says
the guy with the watch.

"Really?"

"Yeah, he sold it to me on his death bed."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle
and will pee on your computer."~~ Bruce Graham

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."
~~ Unknown

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this."~~ Anonymous

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to
pull a sled through snow."~~ Jeff Valdez

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats."~~English proverb

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat."
~~ Ellen Perry Berkeley

"One cat just leads to another."~~ Ernest Hemingway

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and
get back to you later."~~ Mary Bly

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject
to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who
suffered from insomnia."~~ Joseph Wood Krutch

"People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next
life."~~ Faith Resnick

"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They
are all owned by cats."~~ Anonymous

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The
wisdom of cats is infinitely superior."~~ Hippolyte Taine

"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are
there to welcome me."~~ Unknown

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life:
music and cats."~~ Albert Schweitzer

"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart."
~~ Ernest Menaul

"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."

"Time spent with cats is never wasted."~~ Colette

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.
True, and they have many other fine qualities as well."

"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends
with strange cats."~~ Colonial American proverb

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any
harm to ask for what you want."~~ Joseph Wood Krutch

"I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic."

"My husband said it was him or the cat . . .
I miss him sometimes."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thoughts to Ponder

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that
most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make
sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant
is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is
a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house
is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Life is sexually transmitted, have you ever thought about
that?

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is
the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble
down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these
days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays
no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make
it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
I have come to realize that it bears a very close
resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire?

AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about
all these terrorists ---most of them came here legally, but
they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long
as 10 -15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you
are two days late with a video and those people are all
over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Amanda for these:
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office
and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast
and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams
in even more agony. She pushes her knee and screams;
likewise she pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere
she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished
to see the bed was nicely made and everything was
picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up
prominently on the center of the bed.

It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition,
he opened the envelope and read the letter with
trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted
to avoid a scene with you and Mom. I've been finding
real passion with Barbara and she is so nice even with
all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight motorcycle
clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, she's
pregnant and Barbara said that we will be very
happy together.

Even though you don't care for her as she is much older
than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has
a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to
have many more children with me and that's now one
of my dreams too.

Barbara taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone and we'll be growing it for ourselves and trading
it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure
for aids so Barbara can get better; she sure deserves it!
Don't worry dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how
to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back
to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son,

John

PS Dad, none of this is true. I'm over at the neighbor's
house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse
things in life than my report card that's in my desk center
drawer. I love you! Call when it's safe for me to come home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mrs. Ward, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing
Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's
biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr.
Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which
one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either
bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.

"Well, one Mr. Ward tested positive for Alzheimer's
and the other one was positive for AIDS. We can't tell
which is your husband's."

"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?"
questioned Mrs. Ward.

"Normally, yes, but Medicare won't pay for these
expensive tests more than once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop
your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If
he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

People are never too busy to tell you all that they have
to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Erin for this one on Men vs Women
MEN - PAY ATTENTION

WOMEN - YOU'LL UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY...

1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and
Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will
each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will
actually admit they want change back.When the girls
get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman
will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's
on sale.

4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from
the Marriott. The average number of items in the
typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not
be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of
a new argument.

6. CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when
women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a
husband. A man never worries about the future
until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one
who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting
that she won't change and she does.

10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the
plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read
a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for
weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances,
best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and
dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people
living in the house.

13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's
no use in two people remembering the same thing.

AND FINALLY...
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to concede their
position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses,
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,"Relatives of
yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I couldn't resist including this pope joke:
Pope Benedict XVI was not the Cardinal's first pick as
Pope. They wanted Cardinal Secola from Brazil. The
problem was that they didn't want to deal with the
world calling him 'Pope Secola'.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A couple final thoughts on words that should exist:
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit and the person who doesn't get it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

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