FUN on the WEB vol 6 issue 1

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 6 Issue 1 January 1, 2007

Welcome to the new year! I am wishing everyone a very
happy, healthy and prosperous New Year. In typical
January 1st fashion, my resolution will be to make these
issues more frequent but shorter in length. In recent years,
my tendency has been to build huge amounts of data and
the gaps have been 2 - 3 weeks or more between issues. I
am going to resume weekly publishing and perhaps even
move it back to late Sunday night.

Although Blog of the Day is no longer daily but more of a
monthly effort, it has links to many great blog sites in it's
archives. So if you are new to blogging and all it has to
offer or just looking for some of the best check it out:
http://www.shrednow.com/botd/index.html

Life Hacker is doing a best of 2006 with an addition every
day so I hope they keep going to make it through the year
http://www.lifehacker.com/

Strangest stories of 2006
http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-12-31T133219Z_01_L303678_RTRUKOC_0_US-YEAR1.xml&WTmodLoc=NewsArt-R2-Today-9

Times Top 100 Icons and Heroes
http://www.time.com/time/time100/heroes/index.html

Rolling Stones Top 100 Songs of 2006
http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/12769472/the_100_best_songs_of_2006

Times Top Inventions of 2006
http://www.time.com/time/2006/techguide/bestinventions/

Whats in and out for 2007
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/artsandliving/features/2007/in-out-list/

Best Comix of 2006
http://www.time.com/time/topten/2006/comics/01.html

25 Top Travel Article from the NY Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/31/travel/31popular.html?_r=1&8dpc&oref=slogin

I will never get what they did to make this cat try this!
http://www.bassfiles.net/gato.wmv

Cuz I just had to have a myspace. Do you have a myspace?
http://www.myspace.com/143530865

On to the chuckles:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"A new study has found that one in seven Mexican workers
are employed in the United States. Apparently the other
six just live here." ~~ Conan O'Brien

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

". . .The House Ethics Committee ... released its report
on Mark Foley. ... Well, they found willful ignorance,
but no rules were broken. They said the whole thing was
proper according to the law. Okay, Cardinal Bernard law
. . . Hitting on kids is not a crime? Who was chairing
this commission, Michael Jackson?" ~~ Jay Leno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You know the part of the Iraqi report that concerns
President Bush the most? Having to read it."
~~ Jay Leno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The long anticipated Iraq Study Group report was
delivered to President Bush. . . He promised to
take it just as seriously as all the other Iraq
reports stuffed down between his desk and the wall."
~~ Amy Poehler

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sayings That Should Be On Buttons

1. Well, this day was a total waste
of makeup.

2. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

3. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

4. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

5. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent
lighting.

6. I started out with nothing & still have most of it
left.

7. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap!
You choose.

8. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

9. You! Off my planet!

10. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Senator Hillary Clinton was asked about President
Bush and she said, 'I'm not going to believe this
president again.' Yeah, Hillary said, to be fair,
I stopped believing presidents ten years ago.
Apparently she had a bad experience."
~~ Conan O'Brien

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Momentum continues for Barack Obama's campaign.
Actually, do you know what Barack Obama's middle
name is? Hussein. Could've been worse. Could've
been Kerry." ~~ Jay Leno

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Twas The Day After Christmas
by David Frank

'Twas the day after Christmas
and all through the house
Children sat slack-jawed,
bored on the couch.

Wrappings and toys littered the floor,
An incredible mess that I did abhor.
With Mom in her robe and I in my jeans,
We waded in to get the place clean.

When suddenly the doorbell: it started to clatter,
I sprang to the Security-View to check out the matter.
The new-fallen snow, now blackened with soot,
Was trampled and icy and treacherous to foot.

But suddenly in view, did I gasp and pant:
An unhappy bill collector and eight tiny accountants.
The door flew open and in they came,
Stern-looking men with bills in my name.

On Discover, on Visa, on American Express,
Mastercard too, I sadly confess,
Right to my limits, then beyond my net worth,
OUer the top I had charged, in a frenzy of mirth.

The black-suited men, so somber, so strict,
I wondered why me that they had first picked.
They stared at me with a look I couldn't miss,
That said "Buddy, when are you for paying for this?"

I shrugged my shoulders, but then I grew bolder,
Went to the cabinet and pulled out a folder.
"As you can see," I said with a smile,
"It's bankruptcy that I'll have to file!"

And with a swoop of my arm, my middle digit extended
I threw the bills in the fire: the matter had ended.
The scent of burnt ash came to my nose,
As up the chimney my credit-worthiness rose.

Without another word they turned and walked out,
Got into their limos, but one gave a shout:
"You may think that's the answer to all of your fears,
But it's nothing you'll charge for at least seven years!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Twas the day after Christmas,
and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin'
even the mouse.

The toys were all broken,
their batteries dead;
Santa passed out,
with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
While upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. Postman.

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox.
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:

"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears
Here's Robinson's, Levitz's and Target's and Mervyn's.
To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!

"He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"ENJOY WHAT YOU BOUGHT.......
YOU'LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman went into her kitchen to find a burglar
loaded down with a bunch of stuff he was
stealing from her kitchen. Not having any
kind of weapon to scare him off, she raised
her hand and said "Acts 2:38," and proceeded
to quote scripture.

The burglar froze in place and didn't move.
The woman called 911, the police arrived and
were amazed to find the burglar still frozen
where he stood.

"What did you say to him that kept him from
moving?" they asked the woman.

She told them that she had simply said Acts
2:38 and quoted scripture.

The police chuckled and escorted the burglar
out to the patrol car. "Why did the woman's
quoting scripture scare you so much?" they asked.

"Scripture?" said the burglar, "I thought she
said she had an ax and two 38's!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's receptionist
who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in
a room full of other patients. I know most of us
have experienced this, and I love the way this old
guy handled it.

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's
waiting room. As he approached the desk, the
receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing
the Doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my penis," he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You
shouldn't come into a crowded Doctor's office and
say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong in a crowded
room" he said.

The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused
some embarrassment in this room full of people. You
should have said there is something wrong with your
ear or something and then discussed the problem
further with the Doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people things in
a room full of others, if the answer could embarrass
anyone." The man walked out, waited several minutes
and then re-entered.

The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing
he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your
ear, Sir?"

"I can't pee out of it," the man replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Andre' for this one:

An old man and woman were married for many years,
even though they hated each other. When they had
a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be
heard deep into the night The old man would shout,
"When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the
grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of
your life!"

Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced
black magic, because of the many strange occurrences
that took place in their neighborhood. The old man
liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's
relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.

His wife had a closed casket at the wake After the
burial, she went straight to the local bar and began
to party, as if there was no tomorrow.

Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't
you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way
up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for
the rest of your life?"

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I
had him buried upside down . . . "

My kinda woman.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

If you know someone who would enjoy my newsletter,
please send it to them, complete with my e-mail address
so that they can subscribe.

If you would like a free subscription, send an e-mail to
bluesbaby.us@gmail.com with subscribe in the subject line.

If you missed an issue or would like to refer back to a link
or a funny, I am in the process of adding the back issues
to an archive here: http://more-blues.blogspot.com/

If you would prefer I remove you from my mailing please
respond with unsubscribe in the subject line.

Don't forget to check out my jewelry, vintage Avon,
collectibles, and other gift items on eBay! Please let your
friends know too. Thanks!
http://stores.ebay.com/Jewelry-Avon-and-all-that-Jazz

Thanks and have a great week!

Copyright 2007 by Shane and Associates