FUN on the WEB vol 6 issue 18

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 6 Issue 18 August 27, 2007

Thanks to Dan & Erin for this great video about WalMart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7C9s4GcQbvE

Have you heard of Pocket Shots?
http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/magazine/15-09/st_pocketshots

Can Nicotine benefit humanity
http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/2007/06/nicotine

The next Erma Bombeck (be prepared to laugh out loud)
http://mom2my6pack.blogspot.com/

Free Online Storage and Sharing Website. Think music, pics,
video or just plain files. PC World likes it, why wouldn't you?
http://www.4shared.com/

Powerful new tools let you search for free software and music,
zoom in on landmarks and buildings, and add comments to news
stories. Part 1 of a special five-part series by Steve Bass.
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,136164/article.html

Penny Postcards from all over the country
http://www.rootsweb.com/~usgenweb/special/ppcs/ppcs.html

They also show a cool list of how names have changed for
occupations over the years
http://ftp.rootsweb.com/pub/usgenweb/wi/jefferson/misc/oldoccup.txt

Happiness at work is a strange idea to many people, who
have gotten used to the idea that work is unpleasant,
tough and hard. Trust me, it doesn’t need to be that way at
all...says the author of this site
http://positivesharing.com/

A sandwich blog. Did you observe sandwich month?
http://www.keaggy.com/sandwich/

Comix
http://bigwhitebear18.googlepages.com/archive

Although many of their items are for sale there are
many worthwhile articles available to read free here
http://www.loveandlogic.com/articles.html

To get some ideas to turn your bath into a spa
http://www.wisebread.com/spa-bathrooms-on-the-cheap

If you like http://www.52projects.com/52_projects/

you will love http://whipup.net/

On to the chuckles:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says:
"I'm cheap!" ~~ Delta Burke

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
~~ George Carlin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost
it. I don't know if I ever had it. But I have seen the boss's
job and I do not want it. ~~ Bill Cosby

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.
~~ Ursula K. Le Guin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

... I can't commit that far in the future now (for TV or movie
roles). Call me in 2010, see if I'm free... Ringo Starr

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with
news. ~~ A. J. Liebling

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A cult is a religion with no political power. ~~ Tom Wolfe

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.
~~ Jane Austen

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

People who have what they want are fond of telling people
who haven't what they want that they really don't want it. ~~
Ogden Nash

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with
more noise than is normal. ~~ Peter Ustinov

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Contrary Proverbs....

Every Action has an equal and an opposite reaction?
Similarly, every proverb has an equal and an opposite
proverb! There always exist two sides of the same
coin! U be the judge...

*******

All good things come to those who wait.
BUT
Time and tide wait for no man.

*******

The pen is mightier than the sword.
BUT
Actions speak louder than words.

*******

Wise men think alike.
BUT
Fools seldom differ.

*******

The best things in life are free
BUT
There's no such thing as a free lunch

*******

Slow and steady wins the race
BUT
Time waits for no man

*******

Look before you leap
BUT
Strike while the iron is hot

*******

Do it well, or not at all.
BUT
Half a loaf is better than none.

*******

Birds of a feather flock together.
BUT
Opposites attract.

*******

Don't cross your bridges before you come to them.
BUT
Forewarned is forearmed.

*******

Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.
BUT
Faith will move mountains.

*******

Great starts make great finishes.
BUT
It ain't over 'till it's over.

*******

Practice makes perfect.
BUT
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

*******

Silence is golden.
BUT
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

*******

You're never too old to learn.
BUT
You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

*******

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
BUT
One man's meat is another man's poison.

*******

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
BUT
Out of sight, out of mind.

*******

Too many cooks spoil the broth.
BUT
Many hands make light work.

*******

Hold fast to the words of your ancestors.
BUT
Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard
in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may
steal from it at night, so they created a night
watchman position (GS-4) and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job
without instruction?" So they created a planning position
and hired two people: one person to write the instructions
(GS-12) and one person to do time studies (GS-11).

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman
is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Q.C.
position and hired two people, one GS-9 to do the studies
and one GS-11 to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?"
So they created the following positions, a timekeeper (GS-09)
and a payroll officer (GS-11) and hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these
people?" So they created an administrative position and hired
three people: an Admin. Officer (GM-13), an Assistant Admin.
Officer (GS-13) and a Legal Secretary (GS-08).

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation
for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback
overall cost," so they laid off the night watchman.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up
not talking to each other for days.

Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was.

"Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me."

He looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?"
I challenged.

"No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things you Should Know but Probably Don't

The Names of Things You Didn't Know Had Names

ROWEL: the revolving star on the back of a cowboys spurs.

COLUMELLA: the bottom part of the nose that separates the
nostrils.

SADDLE: the rounded part on the top of a book of matches.

OPHYRON: the space between your eyebrows.

RASCETA: the creases on the inside of your wrist.

PURLICUE: the space between the extended thumb and
index finger.

NITTLES: the punctuation marks designed to denote swear
words in comics.

OBDORMITION: when an arm or a leg "goes to sleep"as a
result of numbness caused by pressure on a nerve.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland
asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer
for my mother's birthday. The dryer is unopened and well
over the Customs limits; and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.

Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me?
Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will
not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go
ahead of her.

The official asked: "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing
to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what
do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a
woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Interesting Observations

The weather is here-wish you were beautiful!

Where there's a will....put me in it.

Dyslexic devil worshipers sell their souls to santa.

I give a sh**-want some?

I use to be schizophrenic but we're okay now.

Everybody has the right to be ugly...you just abuse the priveledge

Walk a mile in my shoes...then keep going. I've got more shoes.

Drugs only kill the bad brane sels.

The problem with drugs is that you never end up finishing
what you star

Take your Ex out tonight-one bullet oughtta do it.

Today's subliminal thought is:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm.
The dog is wearing a Packers jersey, helmet and is holding
Packers pom poms.

The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"

The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both big
fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we
can see the game!"

After securing a promise that the dog will behave
and warning him that if there is any trouble they
will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows
them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The game begins with the Packers receiving a kickoff.
They march down field stop at the 30, and kick a
field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar
and begins walking up and down the bar giving
everyone a high-five.

The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing
thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they
score a touchdown?"

"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him
for four years."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

If you know someone who would enjoy my newsletter,
please send it to them, complete with my e-mail address
so that they can subscribe.

If you would like a free subscription, send an e-mail to
bluesbaby.us@gmail.com with subscribe in the subject line.

If you missed an issue or would like to refer back to a link or a
funny, I am in the process of adding the back issues to an archive
here: http://more-blues.blogspot.com/

If you would prefer I remove you from my mailing please respond
with unsubscribe in the subject line.

Don't forget to check out my jewelry, vintage Avon, collectibles,
and other gift items on eBay! Thanks!
http://stores.ebay.com/Jewelry-Avon-and-all-that-Jazz

Thanks and have a great week!

Copyright 2007 by Shane and Associates