FUN on the WEB vol 6 issue 9

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 6 Issue 9 March 12, 2007

What better time of year for a Candy Blog
http://www.typetive.com/candyblog/

Phishing sites explode on the Net
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,129288-pg,1/article.html

Entertain your inner child here
http://www.perpetualkid.com/index.asp

More than you ever wanted to know about your birthday
http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp

Free brain games - have fun while learning about the brain
http://www.brainsrule.com/kids/games/index.htm#

More for kids who might be interested in science
http://www.dana.org/kids/fun.cfm

On to the chuckles:

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In physics, you don't have to go around making trouble
for yourself - nature does it for you.
~~ Frank Wilczek

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Morning - and don't laugh too hard otherwise someone
will think you are enjoying your day.

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"Big news from the 2008 presidential campaign. Last
night, Senator John McCain -- right here on this program
-- announced he's running for president. And then today,
he shaved his head and checked into rehab."

~~ David Letterman

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"Kind of an embarrassing situation for Al Gore with his
whole global warming thing. Turns out his Tennessee
home has been using 20 times the energy as the average
household. To be fair, it is still not as much energy as
John Edwards' blow-dryer is using." ~~ Jay Leno

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"A new poll finds that President Bush's father, George
Bush, is the most popular living ex-president. Apparently,
voters were just excited to hear the words 'George Bush'
next to the phrase 'ex-president.'" ~~ Conan O'Brien

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"James Cameron, film director, claims he has discovered
the tomb of Christ. I just hope this doesn't lead to a court
battle in Florida. ... Who would have guessed they found
Jesus before bin Laden?" ~~ David Letterman

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About the most originality that any writer can hope to
achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment. ~~ Josh Billings

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Things You'd Love To Say (But Don't Dare)

- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's
hard to pronounce.

- How about never? Is never good for you?

- I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate
yourself in public.

- I'm really easy to get along with once you people
learn to worship me.

- I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

- I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

- I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

- It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word
you're saying.

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A blonde, a redhead and a brunette sign up with a tourist
group for a chartered-double-decker bus trip to London.
There are only 2 seats left on the bottom of the bus, and
only 1 seat on the top of the bus available when they board.
The young ladies decide to take turns riding on the top,
and flip a coin to see who gets the first turn. The blonde
wins the toss.

A couple of hours later, it's the redhead's turn. She takes
the steps to the top and sees the blonde, sitting there
scared half to death. She's clutching the seat in front of her
so hard that her knuckles are white.
"What's goin' on?" the redhead asks. "We're havin' a grand
old time down below, singing and laughing."

The blonde replies, "Yeah, but you've got a driver."

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Thanks to my sister for these:

Why God Made Moms.

Answers given by elementary school age children to the
following questions... (Be sure to read the story at the end.....)

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me.
He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and
everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then
they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other
Mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's
moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that
other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess
would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she
married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook?
Does he get drunk on beer, like now?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO
to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world.
And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking
cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because
dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the
stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more
to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go
to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring
them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real
power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep
over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic; they make you feel better without
medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think
some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what
would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room
clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it
was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes
on her back.

THE MOMMY TEST

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked
up something off the ground and started to put it in her
mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her
not to do that.

"Why?" my daughter asked.

"Because it's been lying outside, you don't know where it's
been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total
admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this
stuff?"

"Uh," I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff.
It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they
don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she
was evidently pondering this new information. "Oh...I
get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you
have to be the daddy."

"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face
and joy in my heart.

TOO CUTE!

Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended
and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without
you, we are but dust..."

He would have continued, but at that moment one very
obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned
over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill
little girl voice, "Mommy, what is butt dust?"

Church was pretty much over at that point...

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Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

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Copyright 2007 by Shane and Associates