FUN on the WEB vol 6 issue 8

Fun on the weekly web and other chuckles
Volume 6 Issue 8 February 26, 2007

We all could have used this on the weekend:
http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-a-Winter-Storm

Think your Social Security Number is secure?
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/24/business/24money.html?em&ex=1172466000&en=568e4212934cd407&ei=5070

Do you dig it? Digg is all about user powered content.
Everything is submitted and voted on by the digg
community.
http://www.digg.com/

Lots of fun for families here:
http://www.kaboose.com/

When you absolutely have to get off the phone, have
some fun:
http://www.sorrygottago.com/

Did you know Dave Barry had a blog?
http://blogs.herald.com/dave_barrys_blog/

More fun from Dribble Glass
http://www.dribbleglass.com/

To paint just click and move the mouse around, every
click will give you a new color and space bar will wipe
the screen off so you can start again.
http://www.jacksonpollock.org/

Flower Maker
http://www.zefrank.com/flowers/

Superstar Squirrel

http://www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/index.html

Thanks to the ladies on ebay for this lesson: If a dog
was my teacher
http://www.llerrah.com/ifadogweremyteacher.htm

Read books online or get a section a day via email

http://www.arcamax.com/books/book_list_all?sort=title&booklist=ALL#list

On to the chuckles:

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"America continues to search for alternative sources of
energy. Other companies now are making fuels made
from corn and soybeans. This is amazing. You know what
that means? Our cars will have healthier diets than we do."
~~ Jay Leno

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Anybody caught selling macrame in public should
be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.
~~ Calvin Trillin

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The truth is more important than the facts.
~~ Frank Lloyd Wright

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The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that
people will insist on coming along and trying
to put things in it.
~~ Terry Pratchett

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Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being
made. ~~ Otto von Bismarck

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Top Ten Signs Your Car Has To Be Recalled

1. From transmission you hear the unmistakable cries of
James Brolin.

2. Dealer brags, "This is the car Stephen King owned when
he wrote 'Christine'".

3. Bucket seats? Actual buckets.

4. Horn only audible to dogs.

5. The "fan belt" spits venom and coils around your neck.

6. Feature that sets it apart from other cars? It's always
on fire!

7. You peel back the license plate and see "Saddam 1".

8. To make a right turn, you have to get out of car and
physically turn wheels.

9. Salesman offered to knock $500 off your funeral.

10. Windshield wipers are on the inside.

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Why Women Would Love Being Santa Claus

1. You'd never be expected to make the coffee.

2. There'd be no more early morning decisions about what
to wear to the office.

3. You could grow a gut the size of Fat Albert's and
consider it a job requirement.

4. One big black belt - accessorized for life!

5. There'd be no reason to have your colors done.

6. Everyone would be extremely nice to you, even if you
weren't.

7. Should people suggest your belly jiggled... that is when
you giggled...like a bowlful of jelly, you could hit them
with your purse.

8. You'd always work in sensible footwear.

9. There'd be no need to play office politics; a hearty 'Ho!
Ho! Ho!', would remind everyone who's boss.

10. You wouldn't need an expensive briefcase.

11. No one would dare ask for a ride to work.

12. Never again have to wear pantyhose or worry about
your slip showing.

13. No more trips to the vending machine... you'd just
snack on milk and cookies all day.

14. You'd never be asked to take an early retirement
package.

15. Juggling work and family would be a breeze because
your children would adore you; even your teen-agers
would want to sit in your lap.

16. You'd be guaranteed the best chair in the office.

17. Age discrimination wouldn't be an issue.

18. You'd never grab the wrong coat on your way out the
door.

19. No one would ask to see your job description.

20. Your co-workers would be on notice that they'd better
not pout.

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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your
family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next
to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and
family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your
cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in
the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the
bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you
didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your
life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go
and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before
getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going
to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there was
no #9 on this list.

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Thanks to Erin for all of these blode jokes:

BLONDE LOGIC (HERE WE GO AGAIN)
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench
talking....... and one blonde says to the other, "Which
do you think is farther away...Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you
see Florida...?????"

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells
the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few
minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the
story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She
asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks
her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied
in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today
you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river
and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!"
she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second
blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts
back, "You ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office
and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast
and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in
even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise
she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she
touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not
really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm
actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on
the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to
see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights
and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned
on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one
day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first
on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and
shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot!
You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her
turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls
your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and
then asked, "Is it on or off?"

BLONDES AND RELIGION
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her
Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50
Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this?
Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and
22 Baptists.

FINALLY . . .

THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired
two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named
Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs
like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're
watch dogs!"

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Hope you enjoyed my fun on the web this week!

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Don't forget to check out my jewelry, vintage Avon, collectibles,
and other gift items on eBay! Thanks!
http://stores.ebay.com/Jewelry-Avon-and-all-that-Jazz

Thanks and have a great week!

Copyright 2007 by Shane and Associates